My Definition of Modern Woman

Happy Mother's Day, Indonesia! Well, personally I don't celebrate Mother's Day on May 8th but on December 22nd. Comfortable already with the date, especially it's 3 days before Christmas and I have always give my Mom present on that day. She'll wonder why if suddenly I change the anniversary date.

Anyway, about 2 weeks ago we celebrate the Kartini's Day - Happy Kartini's Day again all great Indonesian women! In my English class, my lecturer gave me two articles to read and after that he expected us to write our own opinion, about matter mentioned in those two articles. Taa-daa, writing test day people! The first article was talking about the history of Kartini and how this young (probably woman) student of Economic Faculty in Universitas Indonesia thinks about her in general and some personal opinion of course. It's a feature article not the headline news. Second of all is a news article talking about the fact on modern women and the phenomenon around them this recent years. It's not something new, you know - today's women tend to choose career over marriage and children (they usually emphasize on this). They see children as an obstacle for them to grow in their career because most women retired from their job or career position when they're starting to have children. Makes sense to me actually, you don't want your children to be raised by someone you have no idea how her background and education like, right?

The article mentioned perfectly clear about their definition - probably as much as the general public assessment on modern woman. Young, usually around 20s to 30s. Hard worker, they usually in good shape or probably not because they have to work their ass off no time for others except they have one great fitness center nearby plus they have time and the energy rather to charge their battery with lots of sleeping during weekends. Smoking? Not all of them. But usually they can always drink, they no longer avoid alcohol that much. They use high heels to work. Trust me, for us women, high heels shows level of power and determining level at work. High heels shows high level of confidence and the type of person who gets what she wants. Not by cheating, but through all the hard work she has to do to get to her targets. Ps: these type of girls never set low targets. What else? They walk fast, very dynamic. They don't like talking to much just to chit chat on the phone and never like things that doesn't have any particular aim. They don't look for 'relationship' over social website well they prefer sex friend last time I heard. Question why? No ties and no expectation, they like to keep it simple. They're very smart and critical and they never care whether you're man or woman, she'll debate her arguments until the end. She'll never depressed by the presence of man, never. When she says no, she means it. She probably everybody's friend, smile to everyone and can catch up with everyone but no one ever can really get her inside and out - especially in the work community. She prefer to live in an apartment and choose not to cook by herself - what's the use of instant food technology? And chinese food for sure.

I grinned while reading those articles, how can people make such bad generalization? And so I spend the rest of another 20 minutes to write down my thoughts. And this thought like tears drop falling down, I know I didn't control them - they just like popped out anyway. I just scared that my idea of modern woman is actually my idea of a great woman. Misinterpreted, oh quoting Avril Lavigne, "What the Hell."

I think modern women are they who always look beyond today. They know what they want since the very beginning, they set their targets and set their goals and they - by themselves make the time table for their own. They know what they want and what they don't want. They're the most realistic people on earth. They don't want to be committed to something that they're not sure how to handle it with only two hands, one heart and one brain on the way. Like a cup of coffee in the morning, can be something demanding when you do it with a guy for the next consecutive two to four weeks. They wake up always early, they're the morning people. Who says about waking up early is only woman with family? Stupid. They don't busy browsing the internet to read things that don't matter - like how to make your boyfriend happy, how to keep your image good, etc. She's learning it all by doing it herself. She not always prefer coffee, lots of modern women are concern with their health and the amount of caffeine in their bodies. They prefer salad or bread or fruits to dinner, easier to chew and healthy and keep her weight on the right number to point at the weight scales. Modern women can take care of themselves alone. These great modern women not easily bonding with guys, although she must has bzillions of friends and admirers. She's picky. She puts the brain as the most authentic and charming personality in herself, that's why she's not busy doing hours of shopping or 'cuci mata' around the malls, looking through the window glasses of clothes and shoes and branded stuffs. She knows what she wants and she doesn't want; she's not a branded-minded. If she likes what her eyes catch, she'll get it for her. They dress to impress because after all, the way you bring yourself in your clothes reflect your personality. Their eyes are sharp, people are easily look around when they passed by, just feeling their confidence in walking their steps. They're willing to learn about all of new things in the world, maybe the Greek Gods and Goddesses, how to differ a good wine or beer, how to learn to taste a good food in a fine dining or even by the streets, how to make a great emotional photograph, how to write beautifully - to taste the grace between the lines.

They have passion. Maybe it's sports, maybe it's dancing or singing, maybe it's spending days alone in the library between the smell of old books; maybe it's cooking, maybe it's gardening or even doing social work teaching little children here and there. Who says modern woman hates marriage? Or hates children? They just don't want to get caught in a stupid position, they think marriage is the highest commitment a human can have, sometimes they just don't ready yet, sometimes they haven't find the right one, and sometimes... they're in love with someone they shouldn't in love with. Modern woman put themselves first when their on their own, but they also can make priorities and when the time has come for them - they're just a woman after all.

One afternoon, a nice conversation.

It was Friday afternoon, my favorite afternoon even way more than Saturday. The weather is too lovely, shades walk together with the breeze. And have I told you that my department (Intl' Relations) in campus, have the privilege to have the most lovely part of the campus, which is... the park. We call it "taman fisip" in Bahasa. Anyway, it was Intl' Affairs Week, and Friday is the final day in our beloved park. It was a total fun, looking at them talking about one thing... religion. I sat alone on one corner, but then I realized one of my good friend sat not far from me, alone. And so I took a place beside him. He smiled, as always.
People probably never notice that we actually quite close. I mean, put it this way, I can spend days with people I usually spend my time with but not actually talk for things that matters. Every time we bumped into each other, there's always a serious talk coming over. That put me on the highest enjoyment. We were listening to the debaters, the finalist... not until he asked, "what do you think?" I glanced back at him, "this people or the issue they're talking about." He stopped. "Both." Well I have to admit that they're great! Please, I always admire the great debaters. I really think they're as awesome as the lawyers. But then, that's me. Because when you see them, trust me, you'll be inspired. Even though you're started as a sceptic, you'll end up considerate their arguments in your mind. Again, that's me.
One of his line that I can't forget was this, "It's amazed me how these people take debate seriously. I mean, I've always been a debaters, but for me - debate is just playing. I'm just playing around while debating, while other people take it seriously." I thought his line was underestimating, but then maybe he was underestimating himself. Being humble? Because the fact is, he's THAT good. Everyone will admit it, ask them yourself! He's smart and determined, he's the Mr Brain almighty. If I mention how we met, you'll know who am I talking about. Oh screw it, we met in the Gathering of my department, the almost-like MUN. He was head of the delegates (thank God he is). It was between me and him, but end me as his vice. During our conversation, I told him that I like people, who put their heart in it while they're working at something. He laughed, and looked at me, "you've must have been hated me so much back then." And I laughed back, "I was." But you know those words of wisdom when you start at the very first time hating someone, you'll actually end up liking them that much. The truth has spoken for itself.
We went back to our first topic at the first place. Religion. He's one of the guy that always try to look at something in different point of view. Well, to be honest, he's not the only one, but he's one of the nicest. His thoughts are radical and he doesn't even bother to argue if someone points at him and said that he's stubborn. Oh I can tell, he is. We almost argued every time during our working together as a team because he's being too self-centered and work his ass on everything when everybody's acting like they don't take part in it. I can't sit around and watch that, I want everyone to participate and be a part of it. It's not rare that I end up arguing with him, in emotion. I miss those times, I miss my team.
After talking to him, I realized one thing. I'm being such a sceptic recently. Maybe it's because I'm trying too much too see the different side of one issue, or I just influenced by someone thoughts that makes me no longer can bring myself up and introduce myself, my professionality. "I enjoy talking about religion," he told me. I threw away my mind to the blue sky. I once can't stop talking about it either. But at one point, I was exhausted and stop. I didn't let myself to think any further, maybe I was disappointed that much. He continued, "and that most probably because I have different faith with my girlfriend." I smiled, "you think I don't?" Yes, I know you do too. And there he went on, explaining everything to me about the Free Mason and Utopianist. The way he talks is always that convincing that I could join his thoughts and agree on it anytime. But then I didn't, I just think and not even try to decide. I told him, "I'm still a woman in the making." His thoughts are practically similar with me, a universalist and a pluralist. That's one value we both share. He learns every religion that ever exist and after his soul searching, he finally concludes that the best for him is still Hindu anyways. "You know what's the different between Hindu and any other religion ever exist?" I frowned. "It never has a Mesiah. Moslem has Muhammad, Christians has Jesus, Buddha has Siddharta, etc." I continued, "you've been mistaken. Siddharta is not a Mesiah. He's the great teacher (guru besar), but he never refers to himself as a Mesiah." He smiled, "yes, the great teacher. Good choice of word." I don't think Buddha is a form of religion you know, it's a form of teaching. It never mentions God, it talks about the human itself. Morality and faith - but not those involved with the rituals, it's the form of faith absorbed from the nature.
Both of us exhaled.
"You know what's the Free Mason?" Heard of it, never try to acknowledge it. "What I adore about the Free Mason, is that they're all brothers. They never see someone's ethnicity, religion, or other personal backgrounds. When you're in, you're part of the brotherhood bond. And they never recruit someone, no. They always wait for the people to come to them. They're underground community, I bet you know." He continued, "...one for all." I smiled, "and all for one." You know, this free mason community reminds me of the Jews. I mean, they don't actually accept by the people, that what makes their group become very exclusive. "Exactly."
Knowing my background he asked me this, "which side do you choose among the option of religion that your parents have?" I smiled, and for once - without any tension and intention, I looked at the sky and answered... He smiled, "good to know." You know, it gave me the highest relieve. He doesn't need to know, but I know he knew - he ain't stupid. People think I'm an introvert, then they think I'm an extrovert but actually I'm exactly what they think at first. "I know," another smirk, "I know you." I looked at him, with such doubt. He laughed, "seriously, I know you." Well, quite indeed. "What do you think about me?" I teased him with such look and starting to mention his personality from my point of view. Turns out he's a good pretender and terribly similar with my Dad - well maybe that's just a pattern of geniuses. I always believe that humans have pattern to others, you can learn by their backgrounds - even, their zodiac if I may say. "Really?" I smiled, yes - oh how I still want to be a psychologist.
"I believe that people have to keep doing what it takes to achieve their dreams." - even if they'll fail at the end? "No, there's no such thing as a failure. I believe if you keep trying and doing it, something will happen." He convinced me by telling me an experiment done by some scientist to see if a spirit can really waits. "You know people call them stupid, crazy, non-sense... but you know, at the end, they can really prove it." He told me the story in detail. I looked at him and feel amazed, those optimist mind of mine - where did it gone?

The breeze blew harder, it's time for me to leave for another job and him to chase another voice. It's been nice talking to you. And yes it'll be lovely to take you for lunch, but ah that's college. You meet people, you guys can talk for hours one day - but then at the end of the day, you say goodbye and realize that each has their own life. Both of you just two people in serendipity momentum. Maybe one day you'll meet, spend another afternoon with another talk in a cup of vanilla. Then you'll separate again, with a smile which saying, "I'll see you soon."

Tentang Seseorang.

Pernahkah kamu jatuh cinta dengan orang yang sama untuk kesekian kalinya dan tak pernah berusaha untuk menghentikan yang terjadi? Aku kira itu bukan apa-apa. Aku masih terlalu muda untuk berharap, untuk mencari. Lima belas bukanlah angka yang cukup bahkan untuk berkelana lepas tanpa surat ijin orang tua. Pernahkah kamu bahkan tahu itu cinta? Atau bagimu, cinta adalah seorang pengelana yang menyusup bermain peran pada tubuh yang berganti rupa?

Aku banyak sekali bicara tentang cinta. Terlalu banyak. Sungguh sebuah kontradiksi saat dihadapkan dengan seorang teman baik yang mengasah kedalaman filosofi cinta bersamaku. Cinta adalah kata yang belum pernah ia sebutkan. Setidaknya sampai satu bulan yang lalu. Seorang pria paling baik dan rendah hati yang pernah kutahu hidup dan menapakkan kakinya disini. Kepalanya yang tanpa helai rambut terkadang seakan merealisasikan filosofi Budha yang ia yakini. Yang aku yakini. Moralitas yang tertinggi dari segala keduniawian manusia. Bukan itu bukan agama, itu filosofi hidup.

Don’t fall in love with me. Itu yang selalu aku bilang setiap kali dekat dengan seorang pria. Aku tak mau tumbuh tujuan yang lain dalam hubungan kami, kepentingan yang lain. Sama seperti kehidupan nyata, itu hanya akan membuat bias antara yang tulus dan yang menuntut. Berakhir pada kebimbangan dan pilihan yang seharusnya tak usah dipilih.

Adakah dua insan mencinta karena berbeda? Mencinta karena serupa? Mencinta karena mereka adalah yang pertama hadir dan mengajarkan mereka tentang cinta yang paling tulus tanpa nafsu, tanpa materi, hanya kasih yang diagungkan dalam tiap doa kepada Tuhan? Atau karena sebenarnya mereka tak mengerti cinta?

Siapa bilang bicara tentang cinta berarti lemah? Melankolis? Ah, teori. Seorang yang paling sanguinis pun seorang melankolis, mungkin saat berhadapan dengan bayangan dirinya sendiri di balik cermin.

Aku mencintai seorang pria yang sama, setelah waktu yang cukup bagi seorang remaja dengan godaan wajah-wajah tampan yang lalu lalang bahkan di halte bus kota Jakarta. Kontinu. Atau mungkin aku yang menolak untuk memberikan tanda final di akhir kalimat aku mencintainya? Atau karena itu pernah menjadi sebuah janji? Aku tidak sadar dia ada sampai Tuhan menemukan kami. Aku tahu apabila aku tak ada dalam menit-menit itu, mungkin cerita tak akan jadi serumit ini. Atau seindah ini? Tangannya bergerak penuh kejutan dalam genggamanku, erat dan terlepas. Aku sempat membiarkan tangan itu tak tersentuh oleh milikku lagi, aku tak mau menjadi beban. Aku mengasihinya lebih dari apapun. Wajah itu, senyum itu, ceritakan aku tentang tempat terindah di bumi tapi tak ada apapun yang dapat menandingi binar di matanya saat mengantarku pulang di penghujung hari dan senyum kami berpamitan. Bolehkah aku membawanya pulang, memeluknya dalam tidur seperti boneka beruang yang kutemukan di etalase mahal?

Dia lemah dan kuatku. Jarak seperti ini seakan bom waktu dan siksa berbayang yang seringkali datang saat senja dan bayangan membisikkan ketakutannya. Adakah aku telah menjadi yang baik untuknya? Adakah aku yang buatnya tersenyum bangga, tersenyum di saat dunia mengguruinya, dan buatnya menjadi seorang yang lebih baik?
Adakah aku menjelaskan hal yang terlalu rumit dalam sebuah keterkaitan hubungan pria dan wanita?

Aku mengingkari nurani saat dengan jelas mengungkap di depan wajahnya, aku rela bila kami tiba di satu titik saat ia merasa menemukan belahan jiwanya. Dia bilang tidak. Logikaku bicara, hidup itu tidak pernah menjadi sebuah undian. Kadang ia balik tersenyum, dan kadang ia pergi begitu saja. Aku membohongi mimpi yang tertanam saat aku melepas jemarinya pergi. Dan aku selalu bersiap. Jalan kami tak semudah jalan layang yang halus dan mahal. Jalan yang kami lewati sederhana, berlubang. Tapi aku berjanji tak akan melepaskan jemari itu sebelum jemarinya sendiri yang meronta. Bukankah setidaknya saat itu benar akan terjadi, aku tahu aku sudah memberinya bagian terbaik dari jiwa ini? Setidaknya. Ya, setidaknya.

Aku mau tahu bagaimana jika ia tahu ada seorang teman dengan tatapan yang selalu menenangkan yang berjanji menunggu dari jarak ratusan kilometer dan mengatakan, bahwa waktu untuk kami berdua akan datang. Eventually. Aku mau tahu tapi tak mau dia tahu. Aku mau lihat senyum di ujung garis wajahnya yang tegas. Yang manja dan dewasa, yang tidak sempurna tapi hanya raut wajah itu yang kurindukan dalam tiap desah angin yang merayu. Suara dan wajah lain menyapa, tadi tahukah kamu ada suatu saat dimana merekalah angin dan hanya satu yang kausebut dalam doa sebelum tidurmu?

Di akhir doamu dan aku bertanya, iakah benar? Ataukah ini ilusi yang dibentuk oleh cita bawah sadarku? Adakah ia yang kupanggil belahan pribadiku, teman yang membaca hal sebelum kuucap yang tahu raut wajahku saat tak melihatku dari jarak yang tak masuk akal, yang seharusnya kuhampiri? Adakah ketika yang sebenarnya memanggil, aku menulikan hati karena mengikat hati dengan pria yang selalu melangkah bersamaku?

Aku belajar dari melihat dan mendengar, selalu begitu. Aku dikecewakan mereka yang mengaku mencintaiku tanpa pamrih. Janji dan keyakinan mereka atas dunia sirna di ujung lidah mereka sendiri. Seperti porselen cantik yang kusimpan di atas meja, tersenggol sebuah jari dan pecah berkeping-keping. Selesai. Aku menolak untuk menilai. Aku tidak mau tahu karena aku mau dunia yang baik, yang dulu mereka suapkan ke dalam mulutku masih ada masih nyata. Cacat itu bukan harga mati. Bangsat. Mereka kira maaf akan selesai. Lebih tolol daripada seorang anak yang mencuri di bus kota. Menyedihkan dan merasuki sebagian dari jiwa yang tumbuh bersama mereka. Kapan pernah menjadi benar? Dan bilamana semua hanya topeng? Aku kira mereka yang disebut dewasa, disebut pembimbing tinggi.

Keyakinan pada binar mata itu perlahan sirna. Bukan karenanya, tapi karena realitas yang harus terbuka pada akhirnya. Dan aku menolak untuk mencampurkan kami ke dalam kebobrokan cerita mereka. Aku tahu ada sebuah akhir yang menunggu, aku tahu dia selalu menunggu. Dia yang menjadi badut saat aku merengut dan selalu bisa membalasku hingga kehabisan kata. Bodohnya. Satu merasa tak cukup untuk lainnya, selalu begitu. Dan padahal kami tak perlu kemana-mana.

Aku disini, dia disini. Satu.

Dear Boys, read this.

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:
"What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, 'Do
you really want to know?'
Reluctantly, he said,"Yes."

She began to expound"As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to
ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself?
I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any
man...or woman for that matter.
I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought & stated, "I am not referring to money.
I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life."
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.
She said, "I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I
need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't
need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe
for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't
need a financial burden.

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a
woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and
game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader and
provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.

I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must
respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I
have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will
recognize himself in me. Hey may not be able to explain the connection,
but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for
man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said,"You are asking a
lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot".

Boo!

Writing the blog can actually killed this boredom. I actually imagine those malls standing on the land of Jakarta just now. Hundreds of malls; the new and old, or even the social classes they built in a mall. This mall belongs to the third classes, and let's just say, malls like Grand Indonesia and Pacific Place - which are standing next to the Grand Hyatt Hotel and Ritz-Carlton Hotel - definitely too arrogant to be the mall for everybody.

This reminds me of a random thought about capitalism that came up my mind just yesterday. During the previous Christmas, New Year, or maybe the upcoming Easter, some tweets - well you know how much Indonesian are blabbering everything on their twitter page right? Maybe it's me on some occasion - by some people was kind of quipping the capitalist idea of celebrating those times. And I think "Oh, come on." but at the other hand - maybe it's right. In my own humble opinion, I think that's the way the Western population celebrating it. I mean, come on people, the Eastern people are not the only one who has the tradition right? They just don't have that strict kind of rules in their tradition, that's the difference between the East and the West. They have Santa they have the christmas tree and the most simple until luxurious Christmas decoration in town, they got the snow - so what? Doesn't mean that every time you embrace those moments in such humbleness will make you become the most religious person in the whole universe. Coming from my Dad side of family, those little traditions what gets us closer sometimes. Every time you come home for Christmas or New Year, you'll have this nostalgic feelings and also highest excitement to do those things you do together from you were little. Maybe it's just a Christmas shopping, maybe it's just Christmas tree and presents under the tree, maybe it's just a small Christmas eve dinner or Christmas cakes on Christmas morning. What's the use of not being together with a family - or the ones you loves the most at Christmas? That's the closest meanings of God's given most precious gift, right? That's more and less same as New Year. Who hates new year anyway? I think people who don't take New Year's Eve seriously is the most sceptic people. It's not just a tomorrow, maybe it's not like Idul Fitri or Christmas when all your sin will be forgiven. But dearly, New Year is a time when you tell yourself, "you have another chance to challenge yourself and be a better person." Maybe you make those New Year resolutions, maybe you don't - but you know that your time is crawling too fast and you have to make the best out of it. Screw those sayings that say the Western traditions make you throw your money around. Just, shut up. New Year is the beginning of the year, you should raise your glass and cheers up!

Anyway, the elaboration is going too far. Now I'm starving and forget what to write at the first place.
Have a great holiday everyone!

Janus, the God of Beginnings

Have you watched 'The Tourist' movie? Either you're a guy or a woman, you just simply have to watch it. I mean it's Johnny Deep and Angelina Jolie who play the cast of the movie, and they're both one of the greatest artists in Hollywood. It's a bit drama actually if you're hoping for more action, but with Jolie's and Deep's acting - who'd care?

I probably have mentioned it at my later posts - I'm more the lyrical person. I pay high attention to words, like lyrics in a song, dialogue in a movie, quotes in an article - details. That's why maybe, I'm better with words. Anyway, I'm not going to give you a fantastic movie review of The Tourist - but all I can say, is you HAVE TO watch the movie. You'll understand why then the movie was nominated for 3 Grammies. Their acting, was unblaffable.

One of the dialogue that catch my eyes, was this one. They're both were sitting on a dinner table, at one fine dining restaurant in Venice - Man, God must be happy when He created Venice, it's such a mere beauty! I just got to be there before 25. Now, Deep was watching her holding her charm bracelet with a locket on it. It has the face of Janus, one of Roman Greek's God.

Elise: It's the um...the Roman god, Janus. My mother gave it to me when I was little. She wanted to teach me that people have two sides. A good side, a bad side, a past, a future. And that we must embrace both in someone we love. And I tried.
Frank Tupelo: What's he like?
Elise: He's...different, from anybody I know.
Frank Tupelo: Different's good. Where I come from, the highest compliment they can offer a person is to say that they're down to earth, grounded. I hate it. It drives me nuts.

And five minutes ago, I was like running through google, looking for the information about this God, Janus. I've always been into this God and Goddess stuff from the ancient Roman Greek history anyway. This is merely new year, remember? And reading this, about God Janus is the rightest thing to do at new year.

Janus is the two-faced ancient Roman God as he represent the looks of the past and the future. It's kind of reminds me of the astrological sign, Gemini. But it's not representing neither past or the future, but it's representing a two-side in one person. That people can be hypocrite and easy to get influenced with. As Jolie said in the movie, "She wanted to teach me that people have two sides. A good side, a bad side; a past, a future. And that we must embrace both in someone we love."

Human is very complicated, and not to mention, tiring. Here, the Janus God is composite and obscure that he's associated with doorways, beginnings, and transitions. The concepts of January and janitor are both based on aspects of Janus - personally speaking I don't know is this should be a funny thing to be laughed at or not.

Quoted from an ancient history website, it says: Associated with doorways and gates, Janus is the god of beginnings. Since he looks both ways, the term Janus-faced is used to describe someone who is duplicitous. He is also considered the guardian of peace when the door to his shrine was closed.

Exactly. Welcoming the new year of 2011, may the God of Janus will watch us from above. He's the God of beginnings and also the guardian of peace. Everyone throughout the world wish for a better peace for the years ahead. "The most famous temple to Janus in Rome, on the Argiletum, is called the Ianus Geminus 'Twin Janus'. When its doors were open, neighboring cities knew that Rome was at war. When the doors were closed, Rome was at peace."

There's always two part inside of a human, each one only understand for its own.
Dear God of Janus, may this will be a great year of beginnings.

One of Us.

If God had a name, what would it be
And would you call it to his face
If you were faced with him in all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question

And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home

If God had a face what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in jesus and the saints and all the prophets

And yeah yeah god is great yeah yeah god is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
He's trying to make his way home
Back up to heaven all alone
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pope maybe in rome

And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if god was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
Just trying to make his way home
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to heaven all alone
Just trying to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pope maybe in rome.

For me, God is something that both way beyond and the closest one to our hearts. People have been exaggerating about God, and being too harsh to seek God that it has decreasing the glorious value of the God itself. If we think carefully, we can find God - or as they say, the grace of God in our everyday life - strangers who'd do such greatest thing in life. Angels, maybe are the little children walking aside the street, asking us for money to survive. Again, what if God was one of us?

Simplicity of heart.

If you really love me, set me free. Let me live with my dreams and I'll let you live yours. Choosing between love and dreams is not necessarily when you're holding hands, through distance and time. My success will be your pride, and so does yours. Because I understand the word love, the simplest way. Even if we have our own path of dreams, every time we turn around there's always the others and you're the one standing by the end of the road. For me. Because we believe one thing, each one has its dreams and it ends on the word, us.

That's how simple my love is.

Real Beauty?

Perseverance, poise, idealism, and inner beauty.

What If?

They just don't trust what they can't explain. (Two Worlds, Phil Collins)
Is it them, or is it me?

What if,
I'm that kind of person who can't handle the idea of the last-minute call or dealing with something that way too unpredictable beyond my control. Explain that more and less I'm quite a control freak. Was't that the definition of life, by the way?
What if,
I'm too busy thinking about the future and start to taking for granted all the things in my hold right now? I'm too scared of making mistakes and instead walking forward - I do something which is worse than walking in reverse, I don't even move at all. What if I only ended up imagining things, those dreams.

What if, what if?
What if people living their life with too much 'What Ifs'?
Can people actually have everything they've always wanted?
How can you see, how can you... choose?
What if?

Oh dear, it's already five 'What Ifs'.

Told you I'm a Pluralist.

I post this years ago, but I always put it in draft. Since I don't want people to figure too much what's inside my head - or I just don't have the guts. Make your own position.

I hate talking about this, actually. I was born and grew up with a family with such high plurality values and I love them too much for it - I thank God for it. That it doesn't matter which country you're coming from (well kecuali warga negara yang statusnya ilegal - hahaha) how much money in your pocket and which God are you believed in, as long as you're a good man with respect and well-educated, you're always welcome.

Sometimes I'm blaming on this country with its such racist culture. But as I grew up as sees back throughout the history - I can't do that. Centuries ago, this land was no one's land. And we were separated geographically.

Bukan rahasia dan adalah usaha yang sia-sia untuk memungkiri bahwa keberadaan budaya di negara kita mengikat bahkan lebih kuat dari hukum itu sendiri, bahkan kadang secara tak sadar. Keberadaan etika budaya yang sering disalahkan atas perkembangan kita yang lambat. But anyway, I don't want to talk about that this time. I've been seen a lot of scenes where people are breaking up because they 'happen' to have different faith. Trus gue biasanya ketawa, miris. I've been there. And, so what?

Parents are sometimes selfish. They're still humans. Mungkin kalo gue dihadapkan dalam situasi yang didesak, gue akan bilang sama mereka untuk memposisikan mereka di gue. Apa kata dan makna cinta segitu dikorupsinya sampai sudah terlalu dibatasi dalam batasan yang dibuat manusia sendiri? Bukankah kita sendiri yang berteriak bahwa cinta itu sejajar dengan Tuhan?

Mungkin beberapa ketidakpercayaan atas agama datang dari pengalaman seperti ini. Dan manusia tetap menunjuk mereka yang melihat agama secara sinis, sebagai manusia jahat. Dan lagi-lagi gue ketawa. Plis deh. Memangnya kamu pikir manusia yang paling tinggi dan bermoral adalah manusia dengan kata 'Tuhan' di dahinya? Bukan. Mereka yang tidak ber-Tuhan terkadang memiliki moralitas yang justru lebih tinggi. Bukankan Tuhan minta kita cintai mereka dengan sederhana dan bukan berlebihan? Tidak mengatasnamakan-Nya untuk meniadakan manusia yang lain.

Bukankah segalanya yang berlebihan mengarah pada sebuah catastrophe?

I do appreciate everyone rights to decide what kind of life they want to live and who they want to live it with. But isn't the art of life was because it full with so much surprises? Do you even ever get the first notice that this is the one that will stay everlasting? I'll take that as a 'No'.

I was born from a family with different faith. I've always seen love that simple, but when I practice it in real life - people can't get the grip of it. Some of them take it for granted. People are so tiring; they make things so simple become so complicated. Can it be called an act of labeling?

Family from my Dad's side was coming from the other side of this world, where people doesn't judge you from what age you are and what religion you are. I dream a day when this country will finally live a good life. When people can love each other without getting depressed just because in fact, they're born different. Isn't everyone different?

You were not being asked about what name you want, what religion fits - when you were born. As you walk the years, you'll find how different you are right now with you were a few years back then. If you finally found someone that can you recall as home, will you just throw it away because your old ones deceive you?

Pada akhirnya semua akan kembali pada apa yang kamu percaya dan tidak percayai. Apa yang kamu pilih dan tidak kamu pilih. Terkadang manusia kira mencintai harus begitu mudah seperti sebuah hari yang cerah di jalan tol yang sepi. Nyatanya, semua akan sampai pada titik yang meminta sebuah pengorbanan - dengan kata lain, sebuah kompromi.

Kompromi yang suka disalahartikan sebagai kalah.

Padahal apalah artinya sebuah kompromi yang menjanjikan sebuah kenyamanan dan kebahagiaan atas sebuah cinta yang dijaga? Kalau memang keseragaman itu bisa dipertahankan, bukankah indah adanya? Bahkan terkadang kamu bisa tiba di satu titik dimana kamu merasa menanggung nama yang salah atau iman yang bukan pada tempatnya. Pertanyaannya, apakah kamu membiarkan tanya itu hidup atau kamu mengingkarinya dan membiarkannya mati.

Mahatma Gandhi bilang, "God has no religion."
Memang agama itu dibuat manusia kan? Untuk membuat satu sama lain tetap ada dalam satu lingkar superioritas dan diakui keberadaannya - kata mereka yang skeptis. Untuk mencari Tuhan melalu berbagai pintu yang tidak tentu sesuai dengan manusia yang mana - kata mereka yang beragama.

"I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit." - Kahlil Gibran

Nasionalisme?

Do you think Indonesia is ready for Democracy? In his speech at Universitas Indonesia, Jakarta, few days ago - Barack Obama said between his line that, "Democracy is messy." Yes, in fact I have to be agree with him. But then again, how much mess it can be handled? That's the big question, right?

Mari berbahasa Indonesia.
Sekarang sebenarnya apa yang salah, sistem? Hukum? Mau sampai kapan sistem dan hukum disalahkan. Pelaku - subjek dan objek paling labil dan dinamis kan manusia. Jadi, manusianya? Atau sejarahnya? Saya pernah membaca dua macam wacana nasionalisme. Satu dengan bentuk yang simpel, "Nasional.is.me - Pandji" dan "Nasionalisme Indonesia Kini dan di Masa Depan - Benedict Anderson". Frankly speaking, membaca milik Pandji nggak membawa kesadaran baru atau membentuk rasa nasionalisme yang makin dalam untuk saya pribadi. Sungguh berbeda saat membaca milik Benedict Anderson yang harus diakui memang kontennya lebih berat dengan segala latar belakang sejarahnya (yang mana kayanya bisa orang Indonesia pun nggak tahu sejarahnya sendiri).

Here's the big three question.

Kenapa sih justru di saat dunia sedang 'wah' dengan segala ke-global-an dan globalisasinya yang dipublikasikan di tiap wacana, justru pola pikir masyarakat kita makin mundur (tadisional/konvensional)?

Pertanyaan yang muncul setiap kali membahas politik di kepala saya adalah, siapa sih yang sebenarnya mereka sebut mayoritas? Dan bagaimana, kenapa si 'mayoritas' ini cenderung membuat yang seharusnya dalam term relatif tercampur menjadi term yang absolut? Dalam hal ini, tentu tidak lain dan tidak bukan, agama dan politik.

Tidak bisa kita hindari bahwa adat adalah pola yang paling mendasar dalam masyarakat kita. Adat yang sangat kental ini tidak pernah ditinggalkan untuk hidup dalam sebuah negara kesatuan Republik Indonesia. Apabila kita kembali menilik sejarah, apa yang sebenarnya terjadi kira-kira dalam transisi pergerakan masyarakat dari kedaerahan menjadi kebangsaan? Apa yang terjadi, kesadaran darimana yang sebenarnya menyatukan mereka dalam pemahaman akan negara dan bangsa Indonesia?

(to be continue...)

I dreamed a dream

Have you ever dream?

Instead of midnight dreaming with too much imagination, I’m having my favorite dream when I’m sitting by the window inside the car, watching the road outside. The plain blue sky with dots of clouds, trees hiding the houses from the highway.. A good friend of mine told me it’s called acacia tree, like the one they have in Africa. It’s my favorite tree. The trunk is big and it’s like telling you “I’m a tough one”, while the branches are multiplying in sizes and the leaves is rare, but you know what people say, “the toughest tree comes from the land of Africa.”

Mom and Dad, have always told me to dream since I was five. Or maybe further than that. Started with a dream of riding two wheels bike and now ended up with my biggest dream as a college student, studying in Harvard University. People probably will laugh or widen their eyes when hear me saying this. You know, I’m not too sure myself about how much chances I’ve got. But I know I’m not having this dream by myself, I know some and we’ve shared the same vision. Trying to be more realistic, maybe it doesn’t have to be Harvard. At least the top five best University inside the globe.

Don’t you think being realistic is sometimes giving up on your dream?
The question now is, which dream?

Quoting a friend of mine, she wrote this once and the line just slap me in the face. Maybe it’s everybody’s question, how should I know? All I know, I’ve been living six months inside this question. I hope the feeling that I’ve known the answer is wrong because frankly speaking, I hate the answer.

“Biggest battle you’ll ever fight – between what you want and what you know is right, between what the heart wants and the mind already knows.”

God I must’ve thanked her for the quote, for haunting my night and days until I don’t know when. Simply undecideable (do they even have the word in dictionary?) - sigh. Where should I start this? Seems like I'm walking inside the vicious circle and stop at a dead-end. That was nowhere near the reason to quit. I periodically talk to a good friend about life and the philosophy, and he told me that it’s okay that I keep questing things that happen within me and outside of me. It’s good. Because you’ll never feel satisfied, but much better to do to keep running and doing the best for myself. Myself, should I bold the word right away?

“Live a good life.” – My Grandpa.

He’s the best inspiration but still he can’t guide me to my answers, no one could. No one will ever know what or where the answer is. What rights they own anyway?

I am 18. Repeat, just 18 by now. I always write “18 and 3B’s” on my personal description, thanks to my Mom. She have always told me to but have the brain behavior and the beauty inside one soul. That way I’ll survive in this world. She even put the beauty at the last part, because with the technology – tell me, who can’t be pretty these day? It’s just the best beauty comes within the heart, without no hard work of pretending too much.

I’m blabbing. Let’s start over, shall we?

Here I am right now, living my pretty little live in Bandung as a freshman in Parahyangan Catholic University in International Relations. I never picture myself standing here, right now. To be honest, I’ve never pictured myself anywhere in this country. I just don’t know where. But after I live this for a few months, I know God’s been guiding me to take my best decision. Maybe I don’t feel satisfied about everything, but I know here I can find the people the society that can help me achieve the top part of my highest dream. For some people I may seem greedy or anything, but who cares? People will never stop be jealous of you because they have what I don’t have and I have what they don’t have. I’ve been there and it’ll be such a pathetic exhausting waste of time. Wow, that’s a lot of words. I just do what I think was right and taking chances is never a mistake, as long as choose the chances carefully and date them seriously.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

I used to picture myself as a psychologist, yes that was my one and only dream since I was the freshman in junior high school. Somehow I joined this and that and at the 2nd grade of high school, I want to work for the United Nations. Motivation? Simple. I’m tired of seeing people acting like animals, trying to erase the existence of the others. I want to save a life, but not as a doctor. I don’t have the call. I even tried to call myself, but I just don’t get it.

So then I stand between the IR and psychology. Which is right? Which is better? What kind of question is that? Isn’t it supposed to be, where your heart is?

Getting into college was not that hard to me, the tough part is to get the grip of it. The hardest part is choosing one instead of taking everything, to stand on your own feet and not hanging in anybody’s arms – well this part is not that hard to me. But sometimes you’ll find yourself kind of lonely in a way, even when you stand in the crowds. And again, I end up telling myself that’s not a problem, because the basic point I’ve always started my life with everyday is, “ At the end of the day, you’re on your own.”

I want to be graduated from Harvard. I want to live in London. I want to spend most of the summer in Italy. I want to work for the United Nations. I want to be a performer at the same time, a singer or a dance, at a small theatre nearby. I want to write a book, one day. I want to be married in a cathedral, in Vera Wang’s wedding dress. I want to have four kids, and I already named the three of them. And how I wish I will have son with blond hair – you know what I mean. I know what kind of house I’ll build and in addition, next to it I’ll have my own little bakery shop. I want to save a life.

Sounds like a dreamer enough to you, no?

Sometimes it’s tiring living this much of dream. I really dream them, you see I have them in details! Mom’s right – I am blessed, with gifts of talent. But sometimes you just don’t know which one you have to live with and which one you have to leave out. Why do you have to give up your talents anyway? There is lots of paradox in life. You can’t do things half way, otherwise it all will be messed up. Sigh.

I never thought growing up will be this fast. I miss being a 12-years-old. After your first love and things in romance keep going, do you think a relationship is a part of your dream, or it is not? Don’t answer. My biggest fear is that I forget to count in a relationship, a love story between my dreams because I’m busy loving them and that they have given me enough pleasure.

You don’t plan yourself to be in love. At least, I never did. All I know is the love itself never goes away. Who said that breaking up means you don’t love each other anymore? It’s just that you both no longer standing at the same direction. And here comes the paradox… I believe that true love comes with a pure heart - does exist in this part of life. I know that love doesn’t answer everything, besides the double C in basic relationship are commitment and compromise. But who’s willing to compromise with their dreams? Wrong. The question is how much you want to sacrifice your dreams? When do you know where to keep it up or put it down? We’re young. Don’t you have to create your own life first before you’re creating such a combination - complex combination? Here comes the other double-C. It’s just love doesn’t only speaks for the sight of two people in a relationship, but also how you can achieve those calls upon yourself.

What’s the use of having someone, but tired because you have to give up everything?

I live the days the best I can, and for those I love the most but sometimes listen to my heart is such a hurtful act to do; sometimes it whispers the fact I don’t want to deal with. In a relationship people seek for comfortable, for stability outside this world that could destroy them any minute. The continuity of it create something what I called attachment. How and when should it last? No theory can answer. That’s probably why they say you’ll end up marrying your best friend. Best friends are people who give you home everywhere you go, in their words and hugs.

Mom said, you can have your dream but keep your feet on the ground. God I hope she has this guide book to tell me which way to go. Well, she doesn’t. What if when I’m making the list of my dreams and he’s just not into the most of it? What if, we finally don’t share the same dream?

Man I think too much I can kill myself just now. I know I’m just 18 and maybe you’ll say “Come on, enjoy life!” Well, I say, easy for you to say. I just can close my eyes and walk through the bridge without knowing where the hell am I going. Or maybe I know the answer already, but I just too scared to walk out of it?

So which one, love or dreams? A little girl inside me will say, “Can’t I get both?”. But the young lady will whisper me the words, “…dream. Dream big.”

I need my beauty sleep, otherwise I'll throw up any minute.
God bless.

It's me being synical, not sceptical

Later today, I went to this NGO Fair at Fakultas FISIP Universitas Indonesia (Depok). You know what NGO stands for, rite? Well in case you're still try to figure it put in your head, I'll let you know. NGO is the Non-Governmental Organization. This NGO Fair was specifically held by HI UI.

I don't walk to talk about the Fair, because to be honest I was rather dissapointed. As usual, too much expectations without knowing the warfare. Anyway, untung saja begitu datang dikasih selebaran, well some sort of catalogue to be exact. I love the catalogue more...

I'm not going to talk about this NGO Fair. I'm about to talk out loud about my opinion, my own opinion without any following data. This come from a conversation with one friend of mine when we dicussed about some issue.

First of all is the most happening issue and it's been the headlines for a while. The news also caught up by Times and E! Entertainment News. Proud? Not even close. Guess what? Ariel-Luna Maya-Cut Tari. Well, later today I opened msn.id and guess what? The headline sounded like this, "The police found another 30 videos" next to Ariel's close up photo. Surprise, surprise! - not. I mean since the very beginning of its emergence, lots of discussiopn forum talked about these another 30 videos. Sorry policemen, you're too late. Names were rising from Luna Maya, Cut Tari, Dian Sastrowardoyo, Bunga Citra Lestari, etc. Dian Sastrowardoyo, can you believe it? I always see her as a role model among the Indonesian actresses. When I told my dad about this, all he said was "She's Dian Sastro right? Not an Angel." He's got his point. I am sick. Everytime I turn on the Indonesian tv, all the channels are broadcasting about this video. Or another rising gossip among the housewives or "ibu-ibu rt" is Anang-Krisdayanti-Raul-Syahrini-Atta. You know, I still don't get the idea why in the world this people want to spoil their personal, I mean very personal life, on the tv screen. They present their marriage life like some sort of soap opera! Even much more entertaining.... to be mock at. Pardon my language, but if these are the kind of show which are being offered to the children.. how pathetic. When will this nation's mentality grow? Just, tell me. I rarely, very rare, watch Indonesian tv nowadays. Sinetron and the entertainment gossip are very insulting my intelligence. All I saw was tears, getting hurt, revenge, and being tortured. Being a good person means you will be kissing others foot and these people screw the real meaning of religion and love.

Everything in this country is being exaggerated. Mana Bhinneka Tunggal Ika? Mana Bersatu Kita Teguh, Bercerai Kita Runtuh? Teori. Teori itu semua teori. The entertainment bussiness could be so much cruel than the political bussiness. Why? Because the entertainment bussiness 'touch' the society's moral values. In Indonesia, such things like moral and religion are very fragile to be discussed. People put religion upon everything. These people are not everyone, I was talking about such people who're representing their organizations like FPI, etc. What's the use for them to banned the people to dress without sleeves? Or to decide which one is illegitimate and not? Tell me, who are they? Gods? No, they're humans. They don't even own any more priveledges compare to any other human.

"Religion has killed more people than heroin has ever did." (Najwa Shihab)

And I just can't agree more. Krisdayanti and Raul kissed each other in public. For the next two weeks, all of the tv shows (as in entertainment gossip channel) are going to talk about it. Then people from Yayasan Perlindungan Anak and blablabla will talk about how it has disturbed the education for children. People are so easy lured with such moral issues. Well different family can has different point of moral values..and here we are standing among the 200 mill people, we will never be finished talking about this morality thing. It's way too complicated to connect the law with this moral issue. After they kissed, people talked about they shoul had arrested and jailed for 2 years. For a kiss? Now tell me, why does Bakrie still can sit on his lazy chair in his castle and enjoy an afternoon tea? Corruption is not a moral issue? Well I say, people who have ever done the corruption upon the nation's money is much more worse than a murder. They have made this country hide in its desperation, people lives in their suffer.

Who has less morality now?

Anang Krisdayanti Raul Atta Syahrini. Blah. I find everybody's wrong. Krisdayanti acted like such a bitch, fine, what did Anang do? After he announced their separation, in no time he has found Syahrini. And yet he just dated her and act as if they'd get married soon ever since. Pity. Because all I see is a little boy who's trying to take a revenge over his lover. He has just got divorced and despite taking care of his broken-hearted children, he dated another girl in no time? Well, people have different consideration tho, I don't have the rights to talk anyway. Just can't believe how come they sell their life to the public? KD cheated on his husband, take this guy from his family...and she felt unbelieveably un-guilty? ......Amen.

Porn video is not a new thing. Internet provides all the porn you need, isn't that what they say? It's like our country has cleaned for years about porn. Ah, c'mon. They only thing that matters is they're the public figures. On the top of the staircase to popularity. I'm not saying they're unguilty, but please don't treat them as if you're a saint. Suit them for what they break in Indonesian law, but it's not like they're planning to spread it off at the first place.

Ah, Indonesia..

Now talking about one of the global issue. Climate change. Poverty. Do you think the poverty will ever ends? I'm not being pessimistic, but I don't think so. It's like an opposite theory on earth that has to life together for one balance. Good and bad. Right and wrong. Rich and poor. Life and death.

"Starvation is a great aphrodisiac."

People are easier to control under the pressure, especially when it comes to economic pressure these days. Money holds a very important place, we can't say no to that. At least at the top three of your priority, especially when you've a family of your own. I was reading the MDG's and although they mentioned their success on decreasing the percentage of the world's poverty, I still seeing my people starving. Crawling for a penny or two. Where's my government? A new land in Jakarta is being opened every single day. Hospital between the residence? Limbahnya mau dikemanain? What about AMDAL? I couldn't even imagine the complexity to deal with 200 mill people, separated through the land and sea, with all it's difference - the basic difference, culture. Living under the standard of living, means living without insurance. Right? This's what's going on in our country. As long the people are starving, people are not getting the proper education to compete even with the people in their country..they'll be so easy to be provocated. Remember how was this country in '65?

I hate the fact that SBY made songs. Tell me, it made me quite furious. What the hell was he doing? Leave the song to the others, will you? There're so many artist in this country, let's say Trisum, they could make a great quality songs. Not saying that a president can't make his own songs, but please dear Sir, your country needs to eat, not to listen to some songs that'll built the nasionalism. The nationalism will grow itself as the people have their faith on their government! And am not talking about the middle class, I'm talking about the underground class.

People in Indonesia, the youths, including me of course, we are starting to provoke people in this country about the nationalism. But tell me again, can you built a self confidence thru the talking? Without the person tries himself or see the fact of some confidence? Mostly not. And that's exactly what's happening with built in the nationalism to the Indonesian. Even the educated people find it hard to trust the country, the government, THE SYSTEM.

I'm not going to just underestimate my Indonesia. To be frank, such issues as corruption and mafia of law happen in every country. But this country provide very little amount of wealth insurance to its own people. The moderate class people walking inside the malls, the upper class people hiding behind the wall of their malls, and the under class people doesn't even have the guts to go inside the malls. It'll make them some sort of spectacle.

And it's us. Who call them, "kampungan", "norak", "alay". Think again. We're labelling them. We even build a wall to each other, like if we ever touch them we'll be suffered by a disease.

I know these human rights issues are very dillematique. But if we just keep thinking that way, well people just forget any happy ending.

Climate change. I'm sick reading the news about how people such exaggerate this issue, well 'better', they even make this issue to be such a potential bussiness to be ran. Impressive, right? Green paper bag, green plastic bag, green community, all-new-green residence, bla bla bla... guess what, each house costs a billion. I thought God was giving us the green nature for free. Aren't you ashame? Well the least government can do is pull all the plastic bag in the supermarkets and told them to exchange the plastic bag with the paper bag. Done, end of story. Well, maybe it's not as easy as it said, but then again government has more authorization to do so. Not the bussinessmen.

"Climate Change Conference" - I've been bored reading the titled on the newspapers. Big time companies and all presidents from all over the world. They're welcome with the world class service, the price is definitely to infinity and beyond, yet remind me please were there any meaningful agreement between them? No. They're not talking about the nature rereservation, they're talking about themselves! Their bussiness, their gain and loss.. I wish someone send them back to when they were 8. Because back then, all you want to be is someone... good.

The green revolution was the turning point of everything. It's the start of revolution industy to the nature and it's a time machine bomb. Then again, who could have guessed? People weren't that aware of such environmental issues like these days, the technology weren't that well.

You know what the funny part is? Today's people..we're trying so hard to get back to the nature. While actually, there's nothing wrong with the nature. The nature will always be balanced, it's not trying to ruining itself - it's just trying to keep the ecosystem as balanced as it was. We've warned with all the worst thing that could possibly happen to the nature, nobody cares. Wrong, some does care. But we always need a government to make it something big, to take a real action. Well, where's our government? They're busy trying to manipulating the amount of currency so it looks like we're close to the big republic such as USA.

Some educated people even dumber than the kindegardens. Close to my place, they're building two new hospitals. Two. Okay, I know it's a public facility but where are you going to throw the waste? They're two big hospitals and standing in the middle of the community residence. Fancy residence? Not close. Just some old village you won't notice. See? And these people, they don't even aware of what's threatening them.

This is the problem in the developing country. But if everytime we talk about this country we ended up in that line, kapan kita mau maju? Everything needs a first move. And it takes the courage of some big names. It takes an idealism. Idealism is not a lasagna, you shouldn't eat it and throw it away to the junk. It's you.

I sounded like a freak, am I? Like wanting to be a superman, saving the world while I'm standing by myself. But seeing those things are breaking my heart. We're humans and we're the one who has less heart in the human rights issues. We sell others, we make the woman an object! Those FPI guys, even the MUI, everyday mereka sibuk bikin fatwa haram yang baru. Mereka sibuk permasalahkan siapa berhubungan seksual dengan siapa dan siapa mencium siapa. Who are you, God? How many wifes do you got? They act as if they're saint and they don't even carry a name that suitable for a saint. I'm being harsh, wtv. But I bet you won't be offended if you're doing any of those.

It's... pathetic.
People, what kind of world do you want?

Shallow Hall

"Dan semakin kamu merasa paling suci, kamu akan menjadi yang paling dangkal."

Sok banget kesannya quote orang padahal bikin sendiri di jalan haha atau udah pernah ada yang bikin, ya maaf de hehe. The line came up on my mind just now jadi ya memang punya orang sepertinya haha. Super wasted.

Actually, I hate to talk about 'this' - what I'm going to talk about, in public. I don't feel that I have the rights. But someone made me, they surely did.

Kemarin waktu lg jalan sama temen gw, mendadak dia nunjukkin link ke sebuah blog. Dengan sangat gak ngerti apa maksudnya, ya buka aja linknya. I never thought that the link would direct us to one's webpage.

Pas baca judulnya aja gak enak.

Scrolling down.

Muak.

Ini sebuah website, blog, damn whatever. The great news? It's a school blogs. Those people, with such bloody proud, bolding their names on the post and screaming cursing other religion. Merasa paling suci, or what?

The problem is, mereka gak cuma bawa-bawa genocide untuk agama yg mereka tunjuk. Mereka yang mengaku paling suci malah mengggunakan kata-kata paling kotor, kasar, dan (sorry) binatang yang pernah didenger manusia. Lucu, gw jadi curiga ya jangan-jangan yang mereka sebut itu justru their wildest imagination.

Angry? Am not. Exactly, I feel sorry for them.
Sorry and disgust.

A little girl could cry reading those words. How unhuman those people are. No, I'm not pointing at one beliefs. Only to those who wrote in it. Mereka merasa paling tahu, padahal jelas-jelas bukan kepercayaan mereka. Kitab suci itu sastra. Bukan literatur pasti. And they interpretated it as if they were still the kindergardens. Worse.

And these people, they run a school? OH YEA RIGHT congratulations.

Seriously, you can't just wooshing around and demolished one religion in order to make them one in your religion. I'm not 'that' religious, but seriously people, wake up! Apa sih bagusnya maksain keyakinan seseorang? Jangan bawa-bawa memusnahkan satu agama lain deh. Fine, you think you got the greatest of all? Keep it. Just keep it for yourself. Gak usah memulai percikan api yang harusnya gak ada.

Dipikir gampang?

Menyatukan satu negara dengan puluhan budaya, ideologi, dan keyakinan susahnya setengah hidup. Sekarang pun belum bisa dibilang satu kok. Not yet. Our people are separated in balance way, the traditionals and the moderns.

Man, people keep on forgetting that we have only one God. Just one. No last name, first name, middle name, family name, address, or different phone number. No. Just one. God. It's just the values in each beliefs that sometimes make the difference. Is it true that religion is a static theorm? I don't know, go figure yourself.

And the same questions occured once again.
Is this question could never be answered? Hope not.

If God created such universal love, why is it so hard for human to love?

Have you ever think about, death?

Death. Death. Death.

Tadi siang padahal di otak gw bergumul segala kalimat dan kata, persepsi dan makna dari segala penjuru. Where have they gone?

I haven't faced that much of deaths in my life. One, two, three.. Two close relatives and two school mates. Not much.

Ini jam satu pagi ya. It's been a while, gak bedagang (ngelantur).

Some people say,
death is not an end.

Some people say,
there's an after life and that's how they who left us will keep guiding us along the way

Some people say,
...

and I'm back and this is 10 a.m

You know. I was reading about Buddha last night, and it talks much about death. Well, have to be honest, people are playing hide and seek with death their whole lives.

I'm nearly eighteen. My mom was like, "why do you even bother to think about dying? It's for later issue." Not it's not. Death can find you at every corner. Death is one of the life's boiling point.

Die. Died. Death. Dying.
All those words are similiar to the life after what we're having at the moment.

Have you ever afraid of the death? Or the angels that they called "death eaters" as in HARRY POTTER? Have you afraid of them? People said that people with less faith in God would easily terrified of the death That's what the community usually said, but just c'mon... It's not what everybody wish for in everyday.

If that was talking about yourself, your death -this is started to sound spooky, that's still acceptable. But if it's talking about someone else's. Someone who's connected to you, someone who has been with you since the day you say "ta..ta..". Someone you think you're gonna have for a lifetime in your days is suddenly gone. Lost, somewhere you don't even capable to figure.

Everyone, everybody has always tried their best to minimalize the possibilities of losing someone or something they love. LOVE and LOST. LIFE and DEATH. They'd go at the same rhytme of sentence. Only, in opposites.

PARENTS. They are the first you see in the world. First one to kiss you, to hug you. First one to tell you what is life about. What is a cat a spoon a fork; how to sing, how to walk, how to run or ride a bike. They are the first to argue you, to laugh at you, to do all those stupid things to show how much they love you even more than their own lives. SIBLINGS.

The hole of which's lost could have never been replaced.

And then you grown up, you meet your best pals, you find your life's partner eventually... don't you just want to package them up and send them for yourself so you won't lose them from your sight? Ever?

One fine day on a way home, in the car, I accidentaly watch my sister, mom and dad. What if they whom passed away, someday? All the people do, don't they? But I'd never be warned and I dont want to.

No one could possibly know when they'll die or that someone'll close to it. But the person could feel it, my dad said my grandpa told him so.

"Never gone. Never far. In my heart is where you are. Always close. Everyday. Every step along the way."

Some say people die because their duties have all been accomplished. Really? Then what about those ghosts and their 'unfinished bussiness'? I don't really believe in those actually haha. That's why I hate to see those shows like Dunia Lain atau what so ever my sister loves to watch dan berakhir dengan ketakutan sendirian. Apaan sih.

An old man said, "You'd better face the death than face years of dying in sickness."

At some point of life, death actually bring its own person to some kind of joy, plus the fact that they would gathered back with their creators, right?

Have you afraid of the death?

I have. Not just about mine, but all the people surround me. I hate the lost feeling, who doesn't? Besides, that's human after all.

Indonesian Movies : Quantity vs Quality

Do you know one of the trending topics or trending lifestyles these days? Smart guess. Movies in theatre. A lot of people spent their Saturday Nights in the cinema. When it becomes trend, it naturally shaped movies into another secondary need.

If we take a further look to the titles of movie that are being shown in the cinemas these days, they’re usually are Hollywood’s made. Mostly, or in a wider point of view, they’re usually the West’s. Since the 1990’s, Asian movies have started to steal the audience attention. Movies from Thailand, China, India (what we usually called Bollywood) or even from Phillipines.

Where’s Indonesia?

Indonesia’s motion picture industry was started in 1926, with the making of silent film Loetoeng Kasaroeng by two Dutches. This film was played by local actors and showed at the Elite and Majestic Theatre in Bandung for the very first time. Since then, more than 2.200 movies have been created.

Two thousands is quite a lot of numbers. And yet, the Indonesia’s movies quality is being questioned these days, not just by the press but also by the society, mainly the more educated society.

In the 1980’s, Indonesia movies had its own great moment where it run riot in the local cinemas. Movie like Catatan Si Boy and Blok M were produced at that time and has been considered as one of the greatest Indonesian movies. But somehow, Indonesian movies quality was getting worse at the beginning of the 1990’s. Almost all of the movies being produced were concerned on the adult content! At that fragile time, the Hollywood and Hong Kong movies has taken the lead on the movie industry and the heart of the audience.

I bet everybody knows about the movie Petualangan Sherina. Petualangan Sherina and Ada Apa Dengan Cinta were two movies that have risen the spirit of Indonesian movie industry back to the line. Mira Lesmana and Riri Riza created a scarce of flash light in the grey cloud development of Indonesia movie industry since. And also, the long queue inside the cinema the whole month reflected the movie was a great commercial success. The society was ready to take a part of it, or at least it looks like it.

Afterwards, people no longer look down to the Indonesian movies. More and more Indonesian movies are being made along with the great response from the audience. The audience comes from every part of society, from the president to the housewives. And since, movie career also change into a promising job.

Some journalist from the press media gathered around to list the names of greatest Indonesian movie of all time and the movies that have hit the box office. There were 25 of each, and guess what? Only one name of the movies sits in those lists, which is Petualangan Sherina. From 25 names, only three of it produced after the 1990’s. The top three Indonesian greatest movie were Tjoet Nyak’ Dhien (1986), Naga Bonar (1986), and Ada Apa Dengan Cinta (2001). On the other hand, Laskar Pelangi (2008), Ayat-ayat Cinta (2007), and Ketika Cinta Bertasbih (2009) ranked the top three on the Indonesia’s box office.

The list I just mentioned showed that Indonesia hasn’t actually back to its golden moment.

Most audience are hypnotized by how enchanting the movie can be, especially adapted from a very popular (romance) novel. But was the movie really enchanting? I don’t think so. Movies in theatre these days is far more than just a work of art for entertainment, it’s a huge commodity, besides the opera soap in television. The question now is how the Indonesian movies arise that fast? And does the quantity of film production compatible with the movie quality itself?

The rising of the private tv station in the end of the 80’s, also affect the movie industry in Indonesia. When TVRI became the one and only national tv station, people all over the country are watching the same thing every time. And it’s lack of the real entertainment value. Now, there are tens of tv stations, you mention it. Back to the 1996-1997, telenovela thing or what so we called soap opera was a huge hit. Production houses for television then create something that the society will like, that will increase the rating. Watching Indonesian television, it only ends in one conclusion, that the people need drama and paradox.

The rising of Indonesia movies was started by the end of economic recess. It’s true that people have to go to this particular place called cinema, pay some amount of money for the ticket, but worth compare to the facility. But the pride and the luxury for people whose watching it is can’t be compared to any amount of money. For some part of the audience, movies offer a lot more ‘real’ entertainment that just some ‘cheap’ soap opera. Soap opera always end with some romance and family complication, where everything irrational is considered a coincidence.

Entering the year 2002, new Indonesian movies are being released almost every week. New films, new actors, but sometimes the plot is just similar one to another. In another word, movie has changed into a ‘potential’ economic commodity in Indonesia’s entertainment. At the end, everybody in the movie area does the same thing just to compete in numbers of audience. Ratings, just like the soap opera.

The problem is that some of production house in movie or television industry simply built their company based on the economic aim. They have forgotten the idealism which point into the art value of the movie itself. I’m not saying that our movie product is bad. No. Producers like Garin Nugroho, Riri Riza, Mira Lesmana, Nia Dinata, they produced great movies. It’s not a subjective opinion because they usually produced non-commercial movies but in the end it received a lot of award in international events!

Back to the 1980’s, Indonesia Film Festival was first held annually to give the award to the film people and lasted only for a decade. It was used to present the award for the movie people with their great achievements. Nowadays, these kind of award is easily thrown away everywhere. Big names of tv station used their rating and publicity to throw this kind of awarding events that need the society votes. Then again, they scored not by its quality but by the society taste.

Many film festivals are being held annually this days, one of them is the Jakarta International Film Festival. In this festival, those non-commercial movies from Indonesia (and all around the world) are being released, like Drupadi, Fiksi, and a lot of other names. Sometimes you can even watch the movie for free! It’s such a shame. Even for a movie like Tusuk Jelangkung, Suster Keramas, people would pay thousand of rupiahs to watch them! It just show how low the rate of education in Indonesia these days. Movies are seen by only one perspective, which is comedy.

Latest movies in Indonesia only know two kinds of theme, sex-comedy and ghosts. Ghosts reflect the people’s unrealistic behavior, indirectly it teaches the society not to struggle with their lives. Sounds simple, but it does happen! In the other hand, the sex comedy reminds us about the age of Suzanna, where the woman is simply being a subject of exploitation, and the most pathetic part is, those woman even accept that kind of role. Differentiating between the commercial and non-commercial movies only shows that most of the society hasn’t ready for the high quality movies.

It’s time for those house productions to extend their quality and the institution which called Lembaga Sensor Indonesia to considerate more about the society education than just some comedy with the lack of integrity.

People keep complaining about how low the rate of education for students in Indonesia could be. But some of these educated people forget that the simplest education in their society is through entertainment. And if they don’t care, we might considerate to reflect our moral values in this country.

ps : Wish me good luck! I'll see you soon then.