White Lies

My Dad is so going to kill me when he read this.

I’m his firstborn and he told me once how he feels gratitude about it. He’s always been wanted to have daughter(s). He thinks that having a son isn’t cute. I don’t really get this idea actually. I mean, “Duh, you mean we girls are that cute our whole lifetime?” Then again, it’s just some silly hope comes true. It ends up with me and my little sister. I’ve been really closed to my dad. He’s my number one role model, especially in his leadership and intelligency thing. But, hey, I almost talk out of the line. Physically, I’m a lot like my father. Just, believe me.

Everybody has rules in their house, especially for the children. The best education starts at home, right?

My mom and dad thought so too. I won’t talk about those simply things they told me when I was little, like “Made up your bedroom” or “Put it back to where it should be” and etc. One of the most “crucial” rules inside the house is “You could never ever ever ever (that’s too much ever) go home by yourself or with public transportation…” You think I’m done? Nope. “… from wherever you are.”

I was like, 8 years old at that time. Haha, nah I lied. I don’t remember precisely when it was.

Anyway, the rules started since it’s spoken. Or even way before. When I moved from Surabaya during the mid time of my second grader, my elementary school was so much closer to our house than my old ones back in Surabaya. I could probably walk or ride a bike, but since I had to cross the road, my mom wouldn’t allow me. Afterwards, I went to school with my school car at almost my whole school career.

When I was on the fifth and sixth grader, at sometime I walked home after school. But it’d finally be done after a looooonggg conversation about “how to cross the road”, “how to take care of yourself”, even “how if some bad boys…”.
It’s really exhausting.

I don’t know from where I had the courage to finally disobey them.

During my senior year - in elementary school, haha what’s so senior about it anyway, I was pretty much attached to my friends. My mom told me a few years later, that’s just the time. “The puberty.” I remembered how I think myself as a big girl already when I was twelve. Silly eh? Super. Haha and now, seeing my sister growing up as a teenager, I could understand the feelings a lot. The ups and downs. The hate of being over-protected.

There was it. Being over-protected.

That had always been the one and only issue I couldn’t understand back in the family.

I entered junior high and senior high at the same school. Santa Ursula BSD. Back on the track, use that Serviam batch on our everyday uniform. Just like when I was in Surabaya back then.

During the junior high, I’m back being the good girl 

And still they say I’m good at making myself lookS convincing.

Entering the high school, my dad still won’t allow me to go home alone from school. His main reason all the time is because (physically) I’m different. Just walking on the side road makes me the center of attention.

So?

That’s the only word I used to answer his line. “So?”

I mean c’mon, I felt that beyond that reason is the reason that he couldn’t believe me yet. In the other hand, if I never try how can I prove him that I’m actually okay - doing what the common people are doing, right? Besides, there’s a lot more to save if I went home using the public transportation, only 20 mins away. Than takes home a cab.

Our discussion would never have an end.

High school was always something different. The academic and non-academic program made me often go home late. Sometimes we fixed the time, but the time would be so flexible during the process right? Don’t let the time tell us when to stop 
I once get a cab to go home since it rained and no one could pick me up. When I got home and my mom asked how I got home, I tried to be honest though, “I got a cab.” Disastrous. It was a total gladness then that my mom didn’t tell my dad, but she didn’t want to hear that kind of thing again.

The lies started there.

I learnt to go home by myself from a good friend of mine since the OSIS thing kept us busy, especially when it comes the time to rehearse for one competition or we have to gather a meeting for the next event. The fact that our house is close to each, have made us quite a best friend since.

It’s been three years by now. I’m going to face the real-deal of depending on my own in Bandung. Going to spend lots of my days by myself. But, hey, I’ve always thought that at the end, people are on its own. That’s how you'll survive :)

It isn’t that bad. I found some subscriber and though sometimes I felt like they’re making me uncomfortable me with their eyes, I tried not to give a damn and not to look even more ‘higher’. It’s not that fancy, being the center of attention, well at times like it. Besides I still pay attention to my own safety. Like I avoid going home by myself after five, esp it’s going to be maghrib soon.

But whatever the reason is, my dad doesn’t accept any of my objection.

So, I kept doing it. Sometimes I’m close to blown my own cover, but God seems agree with me haha. Seriously. Even when it rained and I stucked somewhere, can't walk home because I had never got myself an umbrella - I'll meet one or two old friends who could offer me a ride home!

Actually it’s fun. When you’re inside those public transportations there’re lots to observe. Ignoring the sanity of the transportation itself, the people are very ‘interesting', in a way.

I joined a demonstration one day. It was quite a hardwork to finally able to get out off the house. Me and my schoolmates. After our "kaderisasi" training for a few days in Sukabumi. It's a leadership training for some of the students who passed the tests. We used the bus, and I mean bus as in "Kopaja" and even the economic train. It's damn hot. And at the same time, I coud feel the air of freedom and guilty. Guilty pleasure. Mom and dad never knew anything until this minute. Don't know if they figured, somehow. But they've never talked about..

You know, being with those people, from every part and places in Jakarta, makes me smile almost every time I recalled it. Not in my every day life I could be blessed with such a view.

For some people, those public transportation are something...common? I might sounded silly but it's more a process to me.

I knew they love me. But love can't chain you up. And if you're not trying, you'll never know. At first I was scared just to get inside "angkot". I mean, gimana nggak? My mom described them in such drama queen, later I figured. But then slowly it becomes another habit. And it feels ordinary.

My mom always told me not to be spoiled and I guess this is one of the how to make it real.

I know I’ll always be my daddy’s little girl, but an independent one.
Thanks Myr!  I’ll see you soon then...