An Afternoon Serve with A Cup of Tea.

Yesterday afternoon. It was a bit raining. I was in the back seat of the car (wishing I had sit on the driver's seat), and thanks to Blackberry who's been very loyal to me along the way home. I was accidentally read Raditya Dika's tweet the other day.. penggalan puisi. About the June Rain (Hujan Bulan Juni). Sastrawannya? Tak lain dan tak bukan adalah Sapardi Djoko Damono. Please don't tell me you don't know him, well if you really got no clue, please google him.

I always love the air in the month of June. Despite the fact that I'm having my birthday at this particular month, I simply find the month... beautiful, of hopes of loves of friends of laughs of big decisions.

Every consecutive June, I asked to be more and more mature than before.
It's less than 10 days counting down to my birthday anyway..

Hujan Bulan Juni
Sapardi Djoko Damono

Tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan juni,
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu.
Tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan juni,
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu.
Tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan juni,
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu.

Simple and wise, that's what I love about his poems. June is a month of love, and so does the people who're born in June-loving (and definitely loveable) haha. The air just to beautiful to be resisted. You'll find how often those poetrist write their love poems in June.

Love comes and goes, but some stays.
Some goes stronger even if you try to deny it yourself.

Yang Fana Adalah Waktu
Sapardi Djoko Damono

Yang fana adalah waktu. Kita abadi.
Memungut detik demi detik, merangkainya seperti bunga.
Sampai pada suatu hari,
kita lupa untuk apa.
"Tapi,
yang fana adalah waktu, bukan?"
tanyamu.
Kita abadi.

Sunday Morning

"...rain is falling", okay am not gonna sing that. Hey, good morning everyone :) Tadi sebelum bangun I was like seeing my face in the mirror and blah, kantong mata gw bisa disejajarkan dengan kantung teh! Hebat sekali.

Anyway, this is gonna be very very super random. One of my interest is in movies, so after watching a bunch, gw mendapatkan ide nama utk anak gw (please deh) di kemudian hari. Haha. Guess who?

If it's a girl, am gonna named her Savannah.
And if it's a boy, am gonna named him Rafael.
If they're brothers and sister their names sounds.. ya kaya saudara.

Hehe. And that's all my post.
Random eh?

How to say Happy Birthday?

This is how I say 'Happy Birthday' - my way. I always think that heart could always be spoken through music, through songs. Lyrics, in particular. I have two favorite songs to give a perfect wish for someone you most care about. Or even for strangers. Your choice :)

Rascal Flatts - My Wish

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

I have an idea, what if you try to download and listen to the songs yourself?

Lady Antebellum - Never Alone

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty
Your glass never empty
Know in your belly
You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

Well, I have to be honest
As much as I want it
I'm not gonna promise the cold winds won't blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fear surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fear surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone

Never alone
Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you're never alone

And so,
to each of you who's having a birthday today.
Happy birthday!
All my best wishes be with you :)

Pengantar Tidur

Di waktu seperti ini..
Dunia yang tersentuh dan
raga melayang terasa tak begitu asing.
Setengah menapak setengah berkelana,
mencari jejak mencari fana.
Portal ketiadaan versus keduniawian dibentangkan,
dan begitu saja.
Nafas seiring jejak setapak
berjalan mencari hulu dan muaranya.
Jangan bergerak..
Atau bergerak saja?
Di waktu seperti ini..
Hati yang berjanji mencari hulu
dan muaranya di dunia tanpa batas.
Kamu tak pernah terlalu jauh..
Kamu tak pernah terlalu jauh..
Di waktu seperti ini..
Aku bermuara di hatimu.
Dan lebih dari itu.

A Reminder for Sanur #12

Graduation.

I remember some of the lines from my speech..

"Saya berdiri disini mewakili teman-teman untuk menyampaikan sepatah, dua patah kata.."
Hell that's was a hell lot of stress. Standing in front of the teachers council, all of my classmates plus their parents, and this is the first graduation. Ever. My hands were perfectly cold when I walk to the aisle. This is one of those moments when you (I) simply can't make ANY mistake. Period.

The only power upon me was the will to make my father proud.
For once.

"...Hari yang menjadi simbol bagi kita untuk menapaki tahap edukasi dan berhadapan dengan dunia nyata tanpa balutan seragam.."
First paragraph.
"...Tiga tahun terasa begitu cepat. Rasanya baru kemarin ini, saya dan teman-teman dengan bangga memakai seragam putih abu-abu yang baru. Memasuki gerbang masa sekolah yang selalu dikatakan sebagai masa yang paling indah, masa SMA."
I didn't actually respresent everyone, but most of them..
It was so fast. High school, was too fast. I could crawl back to all of the memories in high school, and still it feels still fresh in my mind. As if it all happened in one day. 24 hrs represents 365 days times three.
I walked my eyes to every corner in the room, into some of my friend's eyes. And my headmaster's. Somehow when the spotlight hit my eyes, the falashback came out of nowhere. I don;t have any idea how could I played a flashback while doing a speech.

We were in our junior high uniform, white and blue. Me, Angela, Ica, Kania, Grace, Clara - my junior high mates. We run fast to the hall, we're so late for the entrance test. On our way, runnning super fast (wondering why can't we do that during the class), guess whom we met? Suster. Yep, Sr Francesco. With her friendliest smile asking why were we running? And us, with our super-ugly smile and laugh answered truthfully, "Mau test suster!" And you wished us a great luck.

We did lucky, not just to finally get in to this high school. But lucky to be a part of it. I know that day all of us joined the same pride.

I know not each one of us were actually 'happy' to get into this school. I know stories of some who wasn't actually pleased to get into this school. Especially with its very strict rules in every part of our school life. Classmates from different junior high needs a lot more time to adapt. To find friends to hug (and scream).

"...Terima kasih, karena kami selalu diberikan kepercayaan, optimisme, dan kesabaran yang luar biasa dengan setiap pribadi dari kami dengan segala keusilan, kebosanan, dan semangat jiwa muda yang menggebu-gebu.."

We're young, everything's never enough.

"Terima kasih juga kepada orang tua kami yang tak ada habisnya mendampingi kami dalam masa pembelajaran hingga saat ini..."
I mean, who would provides you the food the money the bed the almost-everthing?
Including the heart to feel that there's such place called home.

"...begitu banyak yang telah kami terima. Kami sungguh berharap bahwa hari ini kami bisa jadi kebanggaan bagi orang tua kami."
Each of us. Everyone.
I hope the air of the room will breath out the sense of pride from us to our parents. And I bet we did. We finished our high school, we're ready to challenge the world.

This is just a start..

"And so to my friends..."
People say, saying goodbye is the most hurtful thing in the world. No man could actually deal with feeling lost or left. Whatever the reasons are.
"...sangat sulit rasanya apabila harus mengucapkan selamat tinggal."

"Bagaimanapun, ini bukan suatu akhir melainkan awal dari sesuatu yang lebih besar. Teruslah bermimpi dan raihlah setinggi mungkin. Kita akan tetap ada disini (in the heart0 untuk satu sama lain."

For a friend or for a foe..
"..kita menemukan berbagai macam teman di tempat ini, dan hari ini adalah saatnya kita semua menjadi teman. Satu alumnus SMA Santa Ursula BSD."
No man could live without a friend.
During the highschool, we (I) find the best people -what I called best friend- that I would ever had. The best people who actually accept me for who I am. Some of them could be a hypocrite, some of them are just joyfully alive, some of them are ambitious, some of them are too good to be true.
But everyone find their best ones. At last.

Every little thing in this school wall's a part of me I could never forget. A memory. Those walls aare my best secret keeper. Stories were told, and they revealed in existance. It would never fade away.
"Berbagai cerita dan rahasia kita di tiap sudut sekolah ini jadi kenangan yang tidak akan tergantikan.."
Bali.
Situ Babakan.
Kaderisasi 'LARI'.
Paskibra.
Vespa.
OSIS.
Retreat.
Live in.
Fosil.
Modul.
FINAL EXAAMMM!
All of those things, semuanya mendekatkan satu sama lain. Without to much work, it kept us one. As always.

"Doa kami selalu menyertai para suster, para guru, dan semua pihak dalam kampus SMA Santa Ursula BSD. Semoga selalu diberikan kesehatan dan kebahagiaan.."

Teachers have to face the comes and gones every once in a year. And sometimes we simply, forgot them. While actually they play a very big part in making us as ourselves today. Their wisdom. Their trust while we don't even have one upon us.

"..terima kasih telah menjadikan masa 3 tahun SMA kami begitu berharga, dan membentuk kami seperti sekarang ini. Terima kasih karena kami boleh menjadi bagian dari sekolah yang telah mendampingi untuk jadi pribadi yang siap menghadapi dunia nyata."

Universitas.
People from all around the globe.

"Nelson Mandela pernah berkata, 'Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."
DON'T EVER QUIT.

"Akhir kata,
Serviam! Long live SMA Santa Ursula BSD..."



Dear fellas, bring the Serviam spirit everywhere you go. "Aku mengabdi.."
And we'll always together at heart, no distance and space could tear us apart.

I love you guys so much, Sanur #12!
High school would never be this beautiful without you guys.

See you :)

Counting Down to Graduation

Horray!
Finally the decoration part was finished! Sweet Lord, it was one hell a lot of fun and exhaustion. Since it's over, I'll give you a little peak in :)








BIG BIG HUG AND THANKS TO THE PEOPLE INSIDE OF IT, THANKIEESS YOU GUYS, MUAH!

Ready? Here's us!



Introducing...
Joseph - Monik - Dinar - Mara - Lydia - Marco



Awalya, I wwas kinda hesitating to be one of this graduation-prom committee.
Seriously (with a lil' bit of selfishness), "Males banget mau libuuurr!"
Sayangnya, nasib kurang berpihak... dan sangat berpihak at the same time.

While everybody has already spent their holy-days (as in holiday) of freedom, me and these fives still stuck almost everyday dan memang berakhir dengan setiap hari jam tujuh sudah di gerbang SMA pakai seragam dengan manis and prepare everything for the big day.

Today, am grateful.
Being one of the committee adalah satu cara untuk slowly saying goodbye to the school. Di detik-detik terakhir masih ketemu suster (esp Joseph si raja perlengkapan) trus karyawan, Bu Eri. And actually getting to know each one deeper at this very end. Funny, huh?

We worked and we had fun. And super ready every time duty calls.
Like H-1 dimana akhirnya kita setengah bermalam di sekolah, lelaki-lelaki angkut peralatan masuk, dan wanita-wanita tiup balon sampe doweerr hahaha.

Trus si nasi goreng sumber segala banyolan si Marco Tara sumpah ya nista banget lo coo hahaha and very entertaining at the same time. Kerja keras lo dengan si banner membuahkan hasil yg sangat baik Marcoo, well done deh! Hahaha.

Satu lagi si Dinar Marince yang somehow gw gak ngerti deh gimana itu udah jelas-jelas kita wanti-wanti setiap kelas xii ke sekolah pake putih abu-abu, eh dia cinta mati banget tiap ke sekolah pake seragam putih-hijau. Dan dari berpuluh kali ke sekolah, dia cuma bener dua kali. Hadeeeh Dinar, putus asa gw akhirnya. Haha.

Surprise surprise, dekorasi ini memunculkan bakat-bakat terpendam untuk menjadi flourist. Si Kirsten Dunst (perhatiin deh mukanya mirip banget), I mean, Lydia jadi andalan kalo urusan bikin bunga-bungaan. Jarinya lentik banget deh, keibuan sekali. Daaan ternyata, Monik gak kalah 'tukang bunganya'. Kecil-kecil cabe rawit deh wanita itu hahaha. Good job, girls! Muah.

Dan emang dasar norak, kita paling seneng waktu disuruh naik ke atas stager. (Begitu suruh ngangkut, yg cewek langsung minggir :p) Dan masih nggak ada yang ngalahin Pak Yudi yang Super-Superman naik sampai stager di lantai 4 dengan santainya kesannya cuma naik dua anak tangga. Masyaoloh Pak, pegangaaaaannnn...





Di hari pertama stripping dekorasi, harusnya ada yang vacuum si red carpet secara dia berasal dari gudang dan waktu gw pertama buka. Debunya, bisa ngusir tikus deh, huek. Akhirnya gw mengirim Adhi bawa vacuum trus cari temen untuk ngevacuum. Dia udah semangat '45 eh malah lelaki-lelaki itu malah mager (malas gerak) trus pasti, "Udah lo aja deh dhi, kita ngurusin tripleknya aja nih. Oke?" Pantesan Adhi menang jadi siswa paling sopan ya, dijadiin kambing hitam melulu. Dan anaknya super nrimo. Untung akhirnya si Anes dan Bayu mau nemenin *akhirnya! Gw tau mereka biar cepet aja dan emang cepet banget! Dan memang terbukti akhirnya pas mau dipasang gw bilang "wih oke nih habis divacuum.." Mereka bilang dengan polosnya, "..sebenernya gak kita vacuum Mar, kebasin aja." Hehe. Yak bagus.

Mendekati hari terakhir para pria mulai mesum dan tiap gw dan Dinar ngomong apa (sambil masang red carpet) diartikan SALAH. Super salah. Dan korbannya? Adhi. Aduh, kasihan haha. "Deketin dong..", "Tarik deh..", "Kaya kemarin, Dhi.." Gw pun sukses antara geli ngakak gelo sama jijik. Udah gitu menurut mereka suaranya mendesah-desah salah. Pret. Sekali lagi biang keroknya adalah dua lelaki mulut janda versi kelas IPA - si Anes PM dan versi IPS - si Marco Tarararara

Geblek banget deh.

Satu lagi!
Thanks God balonnya berhasil jatuh! Untung semalam sebelumnya ada Pak Yohanes dan besoknya ada Pak Yudi. Gw dan Joseph udah setengah putus asa kalo dapat 4 jam harus bongkar ulang, huek. Mending gausah jatuh sekalian. Thanks God, it works! Yuhuuuu!

And also thanks to the boys!
Johanes Putra
Michael Hartono
Michael Kendro
Harsyadi Adhiarsa - dan vacuum cleanernya
Bayu Wirawan
Sandy Zefanya - yang muncul di hari pertama dan terakhir hahaha
siapa lagi sih ya?
Aditya Muskita
Rex Henderson

and the girls!
Khairunnisa *muah, muah
Myrna Savani
Angela Taruli

PLUS ANAK SIE ACARA!!
Yessica - Siska - Nessia - Ika - Meme

Hand in Hand

You guys should watch this video. Very very.. touching.

A dance couple.

Common, right?

Watch carefully, and you know why the choreography defines love and sacrifise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnLVRQCjh8c

Five more to go

Hello, Tuesday!

Hari-hari ini banyak banget ya yang bisa diceritain, since two weeks ago actually. First of all, kita mulai dari kesibukan gw yang baru yakni berenang setiap dua minggu sekali. Such a huge proggress, since I usually swim every once in two years haha. To be honest, it wasn't that bad. Not bad after all. Walaupun dengan badan setinggi dan sebesar ini masih norak pakai pelampung ngalahin anak kelas 2 sd (memalukan tapi harus diakui kalo ada satu hari dimana temen les gw adalah anak kelas 2 sd), but first thing first : mengalahkan rasa takut. Pengalaman masa lalu yg pernah tenggelam sendirian ternyata memang traumatis. Begitu digeret ke kolam dua meter, teriak-teriak panik. Kaki kecipak-kecipuk, tangan pegangan sekuat hati, trus berdoanya kenceeeng ngalahin arus kolam. Gak kebayang apa rasanya diving. Setelah beberapa kali oke juga sih gaya bebas gaya katak udah lulus tanpa remedial..

Next,

Decoration, wuzz.

Ini adalah pekerjaan selama dua minggu terakhir. Sangat sangat amat menyita waktu emosi dan tenaga. Haha, but fun have to say. A slower way to say goodbye to my uniforms and school. Awalnya kita cuma berenam sih, si Joseph rajanya perlengkapan trus si Marco nasi-goreng-Tara, si Lydia kembarannya Kirsten Dunst, si Monik yang kecilnya minta-ampun, sama si Dince-marince (baca : Dinar). Awalnya terlihat sangat amat simpel dan gak menyita waktu banyak, ujungnya? Persepsi belaka. Haha. Mulai dari banner kain sampai detail yang kadang kita lupa. Anyway, ceritanya nanti ajalah ya, gak surprise dong kalo dibuka disini sekarang?

Dance.

It's been a while since I'm not dancing every once a week! Semenjak awal tahun 2010 datang, gw officially berhenti dance. Sigh. Kangen Kizabballu banget deeeh :') Anyway, we're back on track to prepare our perform at the prom night! Our very last show in high school. Can't wait. We usually dance hip hop, but we got another surprise for everybody later Monday!

Just wait, and see..

By the way thanks to Ignatia Adya, I'm going to take jazz ballet starting next week. I've been craving for jazz ballet course since I was the 10th grader but these and those always make me took that idea aside. Since my duty will end by Monday, I'll have a lot of extra time to take summer classes or some sort of that. At first, I was planning to take French (Intensive) Summer Class at CCF. After I checked on their schedule, I threw up. Haha, seriously, I mean.. five days a week and four hours a day for 8 weeks. It's exhausting and lack of FUN! Languange is fun! But learning French that way is so so wrong.. Enam bulan juga lupa. Taruhan.

Anyway, I'll take my jazz ballet class at Namarina. My eldest cousin was also taking jazz ballet class at Namarina, but now she's way away in Netherlands. Seriously I can't wait until next Friday!

Hari-hari ini I'm totally occupied sama dekorasi.

Since I'm responsible of the overall decoration, I gotta stand by all the time. All things must come after the decoration is done.

Again, priority comes first.
So when those latest routines come at once, ya dengan sangat terpaksa hal-hal selain dekorasi harus dinomorduakan. Sigh.

Contoh : besok.

A friend of mine kasih kabar kalo besok ada public lecture si Lech Walesa di Universitas Paramadina. Setelah cari tahu lebih lanjut ternyata dia sudah mampir di Kolese Kanisius terlebih dahulu! A Nobel Peace Prize Winner and Former President of Poland. Jam berapa? Setengah dua. Itu sih masih sibuk mondar-mandir di Aula. Dan si Utami Sandyarani dengan sangat menyebalkannya malah FREE! Jadilah dia yang dateng. Haaaaaahh, bete...

Kalo udah begini pasti besok counting down menuju jam setengah dua deh trus mau gangguin Tami ah selama acara mau bbm terus hahaha gak deh Tam, but you owe me the whole package of story!

A funny strangest thing

Kesamaan aneh 2 ex presiden AS.

Abraham Lincoln masuk kongres tahun 1846.
John F. Kennedy masuk kongres tahun 1946.
Abraham Lincoln terpilih jadi presiden tahun 1860.
John F. Kennedy terpilih jadi presiden tahun 1960.
Keduanya sangat peduli hak-hak sipil.

Kedua istri mereka kehilangan anak saat di gedung putih.

Kedua presiden ditembak hari Jumat.Kedua presiden ditembak di kepala.

Sekretaris Lincoln bernama Kennedy .Sekretaris Kennedy bernama Lincoln .

Keduanya dibunuh oleh orang dari daerah selatan.Keduanya digantikan oleh orang selatan yg bernama Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, yg menggantikan Lincoln , lahir tahun 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, yg menggantikan Kennedy, lahir tahun 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, yg membunuh Lincoln , lahir thn 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, yg membunuh Kennedy, lahir thn 1939

.Kedua pembunuh terkenal dengan tiga namanya.
Nama keduanya terdiri dari 15 huruf.

Lincoln ditembak di teater bernama ‘Ford.’Kennedy tertembak di mobil ‘ Lincoln ‘ dibuat oleh ‘Ford.

’Lincoln tertembak di teater dan pembunuhnya bersembunyi di gudang.

Kennedy tertembak dari sebuah gudang dan pembunuhnya bersembunyi di teater.

Booth dan Oswald terbunuh sebelum diadili.
Seminggu sebelum Lincoln tertembak, dia berada di Monroe , Maryland

Seminggu sebelum Kennedy tertembak, dia bersama Marilyn Monroe

Thanks to Theresia Uli Hasian Sinaga :)

Brad Paisley - What If She's An Angel

At first, I thought it was gonna be some sort of cheesy love song or some sort of it. Turns out it didn't. In the other hand, I'm in love with this Brad Paisley guy after I run into his lyrics.

I could shed a tears while I'm listening to his words in this song, seriously. His lyrics are real. Not overrated. Unlike those cheesy Endless Love or My Valentine's stuff, this guy sings romance in his own country rhyme.

Try to download it :)

There's a man standing on the corner
With a sign sayin "will work for food"
You know the man
You see him every morning
The one you never give your money to
You can sit there with your window rolled up
Wondering when the lights going to turn green
Never knowing what a couple more bucks
In his pocket might mean

What if he's an angel sent here from heaven
And he's making certain that you're doing your best
To take the time to help one another
Brother are you going to pass that test
You can go on with your day to day
Trying to forget what you saw in his face
Knowing deep down it could have been his saving grace
What if he's an angel

There's a man
And there's a woman
Living right above you in apartment G
There's alot of noise coming through the ceiling
And it don't sound like harmony
You can sit there with your TV turned up
While the words and his anger fly
Come tomorrow when you see her with her shades on
Can you look her in the eye

What if she's an angel sent here from heaven
And she's making certain that you're doing your best
To take the time to help one another
Brother are you going to pass that test
You can go on with your day to day
Trying to forget what you saw in her face
Knowing deep down it could have been her saving grace
What if she's an angel

A little girl on daddy's lap
Hiding her disease with a baseball cap
You can turn the channel
Most people do
But what if you were sitting in her daddy's shoes

Maybe she's an angel
Sent here from Heaven
And she's making certain you're doing your best
To take the time to help one another
Brother are you going to pass that test
You can go on with your day to day
Trying to forget what you saw in her face
Knowing deep down it could have been her saving grace
What if she's an angel

Daniel Bedingfield

If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today

'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

PS :

I don't have any clue about any other song from Daniel Bedingfield. Only this one, period. This is one out of ten songs on my Blackberry, itu pun... minta. Hahaha udah males banget mindahinnya. The words are 'deep'. That's the only reason after all.

I'll see you soon then.

'The Day'

Seriously, I hardly can sleep last night. There's this guilty feeling everytime I want to shut my eyes. Was that a premonition? No, I got no premonition but the heart starts pounding really fast right every 5 seconds. I was like "So, tomorrow is the day. 'The Day'. And I don't have any tensed or stressed feelings, not even a bit. I don't even know if there're any sign."

Screw it all up this morning. Good job.

Anyway, I'm very well acquinted with the twitter world lately. And it's hell lot of fun. I prefer twitter than facebook, I have to say. Facebook makes you spend too much energy on it.

I wasn't worried that much. Seriously. But when I woke up this morning, and gotta spend my time at school, WAITING, from eight to one - I can tell you, it's KILLING me. Every teacher just came by and had a lil' chat with me, they showed NO SIGN of telling us what's waiting ahead us.

Finally it was one p.m.
Everybody was already gathered around in the school hall.
The laptop. Slider.
Typical.
I can't stop moving while seated.
All of my mates in other schools were already screaming for their success.
And they texted me, one by one, until I could count to ten,
driven me mad.

The headmaster really knew how to make our hearts like roller coaster.

She did everything in a very slow motion.
Though I knew that all of us would be graduated 100% just fine,
the official announcement always makes you feel much much better.

And we did.

When I watched the screen,
I hold my breath - trus temen gw dengan sangat gak sensitifnya
Mar, kenapa lo?
Ergh, please deh Cyn hahaha.

%
0 %
100 %

HORRAY!!
CONGRATULATIONS YOU GUYS!!

Seriously ini norak banget loh gw langsung pengen nangis hahaha
EUFORIA.

The science classes? We got perfectly straight A's! Weheee.
Dan gw semakin tidak sabar melihat SKHU.

Apa kabar BIOLOGI
Apa kabar TIK
Apa kabar SEMUA

I waited in line of my class until they called out my number. 15.
And, fiuuuh, I passed just fine.
Well, not great actually.
That score for biology ruined the art of the total score :'(

But anyhow, setelah menghitung NEM, I'm good!
I feel good, I should said haha.

I was feeling like I could hug everybody and I did (to the girls)!

Viva la vida,
High school never ends!

Selamat Pagi!

You know the best way to stay healthy right?

An apple a day keep the doctors away
A glass of water after you wake up early in the morning
A morning run

Anyway, think this, what's your favourite cuisine?

Gotta go running, cheers :)

She and her Neverland.

As I said way before, I'm the first-born in the family. When I was five, my mom had another baby. Just a few weeks before the 17th July 1997, I remembered my dad took me to Gramedia, as usual, memperbaharui isi lemari buku setiap minggu. I was still in Surabaya back then, ah kangeeeeeeennn

My dad and I accidentaly found a book. Titled Amaryllis. As in name of a flower. And my dad eventually said at that time, "this will be a beautiful name for your sister." So I brought it home, along with the others.

And that's how my mom and dad named her. Amaryllis Puspabening. Beautiful, isn't it? Shows a lot of feminity.

My mom's the one who actually blessed with those artsy talents. Gw sih cuma numpang ambil bisa narinya doang, tapi urusan gambar menggambar sih.. bahkan si papa bilang tangan kamu kan kiri semua hiah, sakit hati. Itu kenapa terus gw memutuskan melakukan pembuktian melalui masak memasak dan bikin kristik (yang jadinya lama banget) hahaha. Biarin, niat kan yang penting? Padahal, sekedar membuktikan tangan gw gak kiri semua!

Anyway, this is not about me.

Take a look at some paintings inside the house. My house.



You'll find that one in the living room. My sister has started her first drawing when she was, about five? Bahkan gambar dia waktu jaman tk setara sama gambar gw yang gw kirim ke bokap ke Jakarta waktu kelas dua sd. Malu banget ih. Hahahaha.

.

And that's another two. One of my favourite is the blue one. While hers is on the right. Since she was about eight, she has managed to play all the colour lines without any repeated pattern. It's like everything's already in her mind, she just moved it from the canvas inside her head.





Jangan salah. Kamar adek perempuan saya yg satu ini ngalahin kapal karam. Ini yang dibilang messy artsy ya kayanya? Jangan-jangan deh. Superb. When I walk into the room with the intention to find something, semakin besar barangnya kemungkinan ketemu semakin besar. Masih besar.


Usually, when she came up with a new idea I'd be one of the first to know. But she managed to hide my birthday present, somehow. And it was amazing! She knows how I love the black and white secara seumur hidup sebelahan gimana gak tau ya haha so she came up with this idea.





I almost cry when she gave me this one. Nothing can beats a hand-made present :) especially from your dearest, right?

(to be continue..)

Pengangguran

Kangen Newscasting.
Kangen Dance.
Kangen Paskibra.
Kangen Kak Elly nyanyi-nyanyi.
Kangen Fosil.
Kangen Kader.
Kangen Ret-ret.
Kangen Choir.
Kangen Masuk Kelas.

Semua aja gw kangenin.

My Life Woud Suck Without You

My life would suck without you.. Ini lagu karaokean of the year banget deh. Mulai dari Glee sampai Kelly Clarkson who finally managed to make a concert in Indonesia dan gw gak jadi nonton ah bebek, stop dibahas.

I LOVE THESE GIRLS

ANGELA TARULI EILIEN
KHAIRUNNISA
MYRNA SAVANI RYZKIRIA HUTAGALUNG

Myr, nyebut nama lo sampai akhir dalam satu nafas harus pake Amin! hahaha

Feels broken-hearted everytime I remember the fact that none of us is going to the same university. Bandung Jogja Depok Jakarta. So little time, so much to lose.

HEART YOU BIG

Hello, Monday!

Hari Senin besok bisa jadi prahara manohara nih. Somehow gw yakin sih anak Sanur #12 semuanya lulus dengan sentosa, tapi yang jadi masalah sih ya, angkanya itu loh berapa. Masalahnya angka itu mau dibawa seumur hidup ya, so it couldn't be a mess. Doanya setiap malam malah semoga soal biologi yang dianulir tiga belas ky tahun lalu, hahaha, Tuhan aja ketawa kali denger doanya.

Dipikir salah
Gak dipikir salah juga

Rumit nih. Mentalnya ngawang, entah ada dimana.

Nggak bohong, UAN kemarin biologinya super ngarang banget. Modul gw selama 2 bulan gak ada gunanya dong, yang keluar malah yang itu haha. Yang paling gw inget yang ada soal saluran tiga setengah lingkaran di telinga tuh, hahaha. Biologi, biologi.. Have always been my best subject enemy.

So, see you Monday at one p.m with the white-green uniform for the announcement!

Zip it.

Ingin hujam mereka dengan batu semesta dengki
Obral cinta umbar cerita tak perduli
Satu berdiri di sini terbelenggu setengah nyawa
Muak pada derai tawa bahagia
Ingin hujam mereka dengan batu semesta dengki
Sampai kapan begini?
Terikat tidak
Terseret pun tak jua ada
Teronggak siluet abstrak pada kabut
Ingin hujam mereka dengan batu semesta dengki
Entah kapan...

You think everbody does care with your mess?
Think again. The best ones stay.

Dear Diary, It's Almost A Year Passed

Hello, I'm seventeen years old by now. And in 59 days, I'm gonna be eighteen.

Boleh gak mau gak? Serius deh.

So I was running through my old posts from my old blog, and I found this one. One of the best day in my entire life. Last night, setelah nonton play pertama kali yg diadain sekolah gw "Animal Farm" Congratulations you guys! For a start, you guys were rocking awesome! me and bunch of the girls had an eat out at Teras Kota (BSD). It was totally a bizzare, Friday night laughs! Haha I don't even yelled ke bapak-bapak di samping kita yg ngerokok seenak jidatnya, how I miss those times. Pulang sekolah masih pake seragam cerita-cerita nunggu pulang, dan padahal mereka anak ips yg berarti gak sesering gw ketemu anak ipa in the last couple of months. Nyiapin uan gak mungkin sama mereka juga kan haha. Waktu jalan pulang, gw sekar myrna yg malah jadi mellow soalnya kangen banget! Sekampus aja blum tentu ketemu, apalagi beda kampus. Di saat seperti ini, gw percaya tehnologi BB menyatukan hahaha.

Anyway, 306 days ago was such a start for me to be seventeen. Berarti punya ktp, sim, dan rasanya seneng banget begitu punya pasti semua orang pamer - kecuali fotonya nista.

This is how I wrote about 'the day'

I'm finally seventeen!
Okay so..actually gw mau nulis ttg ini about a week ago or so cuma ya nampaknya mood menulis gw yang suka naik turun dan stuck di tengah jalan ngalahin tornado di Dufan yang ngeliatin orang duduk di atasnya dengan sukses berhasil ngebuat gw megap-megap. It's been a week? 8 days actually, since and after my favourite day of the year-when I beat the earth gravity and I'm being the center of the world wihiy bahasa gw asik bgt gak sih.

IM WELCOMING MYSELF TO MY REAL WORLD OF SEVENTEEN'S!
Seriously, I wonder apakah 17y old akan jadi semanis jembatan ancol yang dibilang?

Sampai detik ini pun gw gatau. My sweet seventeen not literally as sweet as corn apa sih mar please I mean not as sweet di tv yang suka di mtv tau ga sih that 'Sweet 16' show. Itu sih sarap kalo kata temen gw. They're only 16 ys, notabene lebih muda dari gw dan dengan mudahnya dia masuk tv mtv dengan postur tubuh seadanya and by the end of the day they'll be given a key. A key to happiness? You wish! Gw sih dikasih kunci rumah untuk jalan pulang karena pulang terlalu pagi. Nah kidding. They had their keys to be the young millionaire. Car keys, house keys, whatever keys. The most sophisticated one! Gw bisa bayangin kalo gw bangun di pagi hari ulang tahun yang cerah dan si matrix melolong gak jelas ngobrol sama anjing tetua di tetangga trus gw dateng ke bokap gw trus "Papa aku minta ferrari merah yang baru dong. Pengen deh..satu saja cukup" Yang ada gw dibeliin miniaturnya. Itu aja blom tentu :S

My birthday was ZSUPER!

I got all of my best peps with me all day long. Well, two of them are missing but the people who you called bestfriends should be there at your precious moments kan? That's inn my theorical thing sih.. 22nd june 2009. I was totally overslept at 00:00 am and a ring-aling-ding-ding woke me up. A call. First caller, second callers and tens of text mssages gosh ILYSM you guys! I really doo. Sebuah text penuh kebodohan dari sonia yang bilang "Maaf ya Mara ga ikut kesana ga blh plg pagi" padahal son i was woken up ALL ALONE for even an hour. That night gw esp wore my favs pj's which has strawberries pattern all over it hahaha kaya masih bocah kecil. I'm the eldest in the fams and I'm still my dad's favs girl (pernyataan sepihak haha).

Sambil setengah tidur-ngelindur trus ngintip dr jendela depan ada orang atau gak at least CANDLE LIGHT hahaha but I was back in my room dengan muka kecewa karena satpam bahkan gak ada untuk gw intip ckckck. Dan gw kembali dgn alam mimpi *ngambek hahaha

Mimpi gw nyenyak banget, but thanks God gw gak mimpi yang bagus-bagus amat because realita at 4 a.m in the morning WAY MORE LOVELY than any dream in my world. Bahkan lebih bagus dari mimpi ngedate sama Shia Lebeaouf yang luka-luka dan kotor sangat seksi ...okay stop. Haha akhirny munculah titik-titik cahaya lilin dan THERE'R MY GIRLS! Hahaha Angela-Myrna-Thesa-Nisa singing "Happy Birthdays" dan dengan sengaja-cepat-dan tidak manusiawi menarik gw lagsung keluar asli muka bengep gw bahkan gak sempet ngaca dong kurang ajar dan THERE'R THE BOYS si Aditya-Herpavi (ambigu abis hahaha please bukan yang sebenarnya ya) and my love doctor haha si Joe. Gw bahkan hardly sempet mikir untuk wishes sebelum tiup lilin but ya I did remember some. Dan dengan terus"an difoto haha birthday is like ngartis a day gw baru sadar it ain't just a cake. It was my mom's-very-own-recipe-of-macaroni my favourite! Well, dengan modifikasi sana-sini oleh si Adit! Haha :)

IT WAS 4 A.M
MY GIRLS
THE BOYS
MACARONI
THE GUITAR THE SINGINGS
THE LAUGHTERS IN MY BEDROOM
The day couldnt be more perfect <3
They'r all at my very moments of 17

As usual si Joe sama Adit nyanyi" lah pake gitar. Haha I's really excited sampai semua kantuk hilang dan malah ajak main kartu memory yg menguras otak! Alhasil yg kuat cuma MYRNA yg dengan sukses untuk pertama kalinya mengalahkan piala bergilir yang selalu gw pegang! Trus pd setengah nyawa semua akhirnya menyerbu kamar gw ngempet semua hahaha dengan BOS NISA tergeletak asik telentang di atas tempat tidur. They're finally got home at 6 A.M, Thesa yang berniat mau tunggu babehnya ngantor gagal total malah keburu ditelfon maknya! Hahaha.

I LOVE YOU GUYS SOO MUCH!

And it was a year ago. Wow. Time's running out so fast, too fast.

Funny.
Exactly when I finally reached out the number 17, I don't feel like I'm being the way I used to. Even I felt much of the immatureness. And it feels bad, in a way. At some momentum. Maybe it's because the euforia that I've finally managed to the age 17, and the way my minds keep saying how I should be more mature by now finally caused the opposite conslusion? You know, the opposites theory?

I guessed so.
There's no other explanation. Or there is?
I'll let you know later on.

I learn a lot during my 17th. Try to fixed things, the awfulness of messing up something. Friendship. There're a lot of thanks and a lot of sorry. And finding yourself.

Being 17 is fun after all.
Making mistakes, that's how life still treats you well.
Padahal setiap kejadian, I'd slap my own face :p